* Veils - Would you Adam and Eve it, they're still on about veils. Now we have worries about riots over wearing veils. BBC news cue shots of a previous riot in case you had forgotten what a riot was. Look,they can't see your face in a veil on CCTV footage that's why its no veil alright, despite protestations that no Muslim terrorist male would disguise himself as a woman (too shameful) prior to exploding, some people have their doubts, O.K!

* Torchwood BBC3. – I take it all back about the BBC cokehead impersonators, watch raunchy Torchwood. Last night we saw the first two episodes.
What's it about? - you ask.
Sexy welsh tottie policewoman joins Captain Jack's team after a suicide creates a vacancy for the hot to trot' PC.
One of Captain Jack's acolytes goes out for the night to pick up some hottie. The hottie gives him the big Get Lost. Our acolyte sprays himself with alien spray then she's all over him dragging him home for some action (my partner complained that it was a drug rape eh!) on the way they meet her boyfreind, more spray and the boyfriend fancies our guy and we're all set for 2M, 1F action, but our acolyte bails.
Next a sex-crazy alien made of smoke lands and inhabits the body of a clubbing looker. Next minute she's back in the club, hot as hell, picking up a guy and its all hetero-action in the ladies toilets watch on CCTV by a masturbating security guard.
After the picked up guy has finished he's dust (just like in Buffy).
Captain Jack(who's immortal by the way) and his crew track and capture the rampant alien possessed looker who's put in a holding cell. Next its girl on girl action with the hottie PC and the possessed girl watched on CCTV by Jack and his pals. One of Jacks sidekicks says I thought she was straight. You and your categories, quips our Jack.
Bad news though our possessed looker is desperate for a man and rejects the bisexual PC. Ms Possessed escapes and tracks down her boyfreind. She then castigates him for being a wham, bam, thankyou Mam, man, leaving her panting for more after he's had his wicked way.
Captain Jack arrives and notices the alien is too rampant for the looker, so the randy PC begs the alien to possess her. Unfortunately old spoil sport Jack captures the alien and kills it.
Nothing for it but our panting PC goes home and demands an early night from her eager partner.
* That's what we pay our license fee for, eat your heart out Channel 4, where's my "I'M A TORCHWOOD GUY" T-shirt.