* Cocaine news.
According to the BBC news for morons the British are top of the table for coke consumption in Europe. Typically no comparison was given with the US or Australia the countries we're actually interested in. It wasn't made plain whether this was gross consumption or head of population, nor was it explained how the figure was arrived at. Perhaps there is a secret government office where coke dealers can ring through their sales figures for the week/month. "Ref: C234 here, we did 2 kilos this month 4% up on the previous month." Is the figure adjusted for police seizures? The BBC announced that the best coke was cut to 70% purity and the bottom of the selling pyramid was cut to 30% purity. I intend in future to refer to the best coke as 'BBC standard cocaine' (70% pure).
We also learnt that a campaign is underway to persuade the English not to use the drug. It is apparently popular at middle class parties. This is a horrifying thought, one can only shudder when contemplating what is suggested when one of the middle classes has "The Big Idea". We were told that the cocaine is cut with phenacetin. This drug apparently can cause cancer. It was discovered in 1887.
Where they were buying this from was not made clear though I've been told paracetamol can be derived from it.
In addition the campaign will point out that cocaine smugglers often use dogs to smuggle the drug. Have these people no conscience. The drug is sewn inside the dog under the dogs stomach. The dog is then brought into Britain. I thought that strict quarantine laws applied to animals brought into Britain. I am now very confused. The image of long lines of swarthy South Americans each with a dog on a string queueing at the ports of Britain springs to mind.
The essential point is that many of these dogs are not taken to the vets to have the package removed but are killed and cut open. This is not the sort of thing the English will tolerate and I urge all Animal Rights campaigners to switch their attentions to coke dealers. This should clear drug from our shores PDQ.

* Last night I was snorting BBC Standard coke when the muse of poetry descended on me and I wrote the following piece of literary excellence.

Early sleeper, early riser
Up with the dawn, but non the wiser
Got the runs, worse case yet
well upto my *rse in debt
F**k getting up early then.