* Independence for England.
A survey has been carried out which reveals that 65% of English persons want independence for England and wish the Scots, Welsh, Northern Irish would stop interfering in Emglish affairs and go away. The proposal is that the aforementioned peoples become independent states and England be granted its own Parliament and independence. This is an excellent idea. It means of course that the Labour party would never form a government again. This is just as well considering the mess they've made of the job so far, house prices no one can afford, the KGB running willy nilly around the place, chronic debt, Iraq, etc, etc.
* Northern Ireland
Dumping Northern Ireland makes sense, for a start its in the north and no one in England (or anywhere else) understands the Northern Irish. They can be left alone refusing to co-operate with each other, marching provocatively past each others houses and admiring apprenticeships. We no longer have apprenticeships in England as they were abolished by the calamitous Mrs Thatcher who decided skilled workmen were a con by the unions to extract high wages from put upon businesses. This turned out to be slightly incorrect, luckily we can now import cheap skilled workmen from Eastern Europe.
* Wales
No one in England knows anything about or likes the Welsh so they can get on with whatever it is they do.
* Scotland
Everyone in England believes the Scots are costing them oodles of dosh. Unfortunately North sea oil and gas comes from up there, however, this is running out so who cares. The English will have to remember not to start any wars as there wont be any one to fight them for us but otherwise no problem.
* The North of England.
This is a bit of a problem. Perhaps the Scots could be bribed to extend there borders down to the Wash. Failing this, we could just not tell the dumb northerners anything about it and leave the north as a buffer zone between the Scots and England. Northerners can then be left to breed pidgeons and grow large vegetables. A proxy MP could be appointed to deal with northern issues. As long as these ugly people keep us supplied with episodes of Coronation Street all will be well.
* Middle and Southern England.
This would constitute England or 'England Modern' as I feel we would call it. We could then get on with the business of getting very drunk, snorting BBC grade cocaine, running up enormous debt and flying off on three or four foreign holidays a year. I feel a new Golden Age coming for England. All in time for the embarassment of not being ready for the Olympics.
Albion Arise, etc etc.