* Campervan and sex worker
I couldn't resist this one.
A male trainspotter (are there any female trainspotters?) in a campervan was stopped and picked up by the police after they saw a woman enter his campervan in the redlight district of Wolverhampton. His explanation was that he had travelled to the area to see a locomotive, having got lost, he stopped to make himself a cup of tea, whereupon a sex worker jumped into his campervan and shouted "drive, drive". Thinking she was in danger, he started up the campervan and gallantly drove away from the danger he believed was following her.

* Sex worker.
Since the recent events in Ipswich, a debate has arisen as to whether the term prostitute should be used as it is demeaning to prostitutes. The alternative 'sex worker' is being proposed by the pc community. This seems to me to be a very vague term covering too large a variety of participants. I have come up with an alternative that seems to cover this deficiency. I have taken my lead from the UFO community which have four terms to cover contact with aliens these are:
.Close encounters of the first kind - Seeing a UFO.
.Close encounters of the second kind - Seeing an alien.
.Close encounters of the third kind - Meeting an alien
.Close encounters of the fourth kind - Sex with an alien.
I therefore propose the following categories of sex worker.
. Sex worker of the first kind : Page three models, glamour models, Readers wives, etc.
. Sex worker of the second kind : Strippers, lap dancers, pole dancers, etc.
. Sex worker of the third kind : Masseurs, manual relief, touch me strippers, etc
. Sex worker of the fourth kind : Prostitutes, f*ck and sell to the press merchants, etc

Therefore the lady with the trainspotter would be a sex worker of the fourth kind.
There you go problem solved.