* Trident Warheads and Submarines.
The government i.e Tony "Baloney" Blair and the f*ckwit baby-boomers in the cabinet have come up with a brilliant and convincing argument for building amazingly expensive submarines and having 160 nuclear war-heads (which they assure us we can fire independently with USA permission). The justification for this enormous spend is 'who knows what tomorrow may bring'. How true is that (apart from the astrologer who writes for the Observer Sunday newspaper) nobody does. Thus in one sound bite we understand why we need these weapons, in the future someone somewhere might bomb us and how dumb will we look if we can't blow them to f*ck with the Americans permission. Really dumb thats how.
I have long thought that the private citizens of this great country should not have guns. Now the government has convinced me that I am being very naive. Tomorrow I could be looking out of my flat window only to see a frightening mob armed to the teeth streaming up the drive intent on murder and mayhem. This does not in the light of things seem unlikely.
This weekend I have visited a public house in London and ordered an AK47 and a sawn-off shotgun complete with 200 rounds each. If they get through the door its 'say hello to my little friend Mr Sawn-off'. On the way home I purchased a samuri sword which had (at a price) been honed razor sharp and also a bowie knife (I've always wanted one of those). Next weekend I will be home and prepared for any eventuality. Boy will my neighbours look dumb as they are wrenched kicking and screaming into the street while I mow down the mindless mob from my 2nd-floor flat.
As we are hell bent on being American how about the right to bear arm Mr Blair.

* The aforementioned (is it me or is Jack Straw a complete tw*t, I bet he was one of those kids that everyone used to kick when he was at school) government in response to completely failing to get money out of absentee parents has decided to adopt (yes you guessed it) an American idea of putting the offenders names on the internet. Brilliant! that should get the pennies rolling in. The government spokesman put up to fend off this abject and pathetic failure of the CSA explained the tax people were too busy to provide the information to the CSA (how crap must government computer systems be if some prat has too send it in the internal post, I mean really, give me a break). The useless wretch then went on to explain in a no- nonsense way that not only 'naming and shaming', but other deterrents would be used e.g. curfews!, consficate their passports!, electronic tagging!. Yeah right, enforced by who? They can't enforce ASBOs! This government is a bunch of totally useless no-hopers and everyone is laughing in their collective ugly face, I know I am.