* Big Brother hysteria was still running wild across the dreary landscape of boring Britain. Great rejoicing when Jaded Goody got the boot from the house of shame. On exiting from the house she was greeted by nobody but some big brother presenter who gave her a mild telling off infront of a selected audience. Disgraced Jade was shown video clips of her hissyfit in the house. That not me was the dim ones response I'm not like that. It seemed unfair to have half the country on her back as half the country was responsible for her creation. Jade didn't create Jade the morons who seem to be entertained by pictures and stories about non-entities with a high attention seeking quotient are responsible.
In today's no blame England of course no one is to blame for anything its, always someone else's fault. If I can't walk down the street without tripping over then its the councils fault, etc, etc.
Much argument as to whether the Jaded one was racist took place, everyone took it very seriously. Being a racist is almost as bad as being a paedophile in relative value Britain. A racist paedophile must be the worst human being England can conceive of. Come to think of it, I suppose a racist, paedophile, unexploded terrorist who deliberately infects people with HIV and performs female circumcisn is the lowest of the low.
Though I'm not sure as this is multicultural Britain so I am uncertain as to what cultural traditions are outside the box for acceptable behavioural imports.
Now the English can indulge in the favourite pastime of public vilification of a fallen celebrity.

* Big brother celeb is still grabbing all the attention on the news, it's good to know the really important issues are getting an airing. This time its sponser withdraws and 'come on Channel 4 explain yourself'. Its almost reached frenzy proportions. This seems somewhat amazing considering the only purpose of big brother is to try and get two people to have sexual intercourse in the big brother house. Anyway channel 4 said it was a clash of cultures and class. This is correct the bollywood star comes from an ancient culture and has loads of class. The three boneheads causing all the comment have absolutely no class, in fact they have a negative class rating. The only culture they're likely to have is at the bottom of the milk cartons in their fridges that they haven't got round to throwing out yet. At least we got to see what a ranter jade is. I wouldn't want to be the one who spilt her drink down the boozer.
Apparently some store with drew her perfume (perfume!!!) you mean someone somewhere wants to buy a perfume jade would wear?
I should imagine this is the first time the gorgeous bollywood star has met anyone like the three witches from MacBeth stirring their cauldron in the corner of the house. She will probably need treatment for culture shock when she eventually leaves the program. She should contact me immediately so I can counsel her over dinner and drinks.

* England looses it completely. The news is dominated by the big brother celeb house racist or not controversy. Record numbers of dumbys email in to complain about the show whose ratings go through the roof. The Channel 4 gerbil lovers and cokehead impersonators must be laughing up their noses at the ludicrous fuss. Even politicians get in on the act asking questions in parliament!
Why anyone should care what a bunch of slags say when they realise they are faced with someone way above the pit the inhabit is beyond me. It is a competition after all and these scrubbers can see 'voted out' looming in the mirror. Even the today program thinks its worth mentioning.

* The BBC has been given lots more money to produce the same rubbish as everyone else on behalf of the licence purchasing public. This licence has to be purchased even if you never watch the BBC's lamentable output. As this is the case how come the ITV, etc don't get a cut. I see no reason the whole lot should be given to an institution completely infiltrated by self-congratulating guardian readers.
What the hell do they do with all the money? Pay themselves inflated and unjustified wages and expenses that's what. They congratulate themselves on having permanent news correspondents across the world who we hear from about once a year. I can do that, give us a posting. I fancy Canada fuck all ever happens there.

* Peter Hain has just noticed the Bush administration is a trifle right-wing and totally useless, that conclusion took him an inordinate long time to arrive at, while he enjoyed the comforts of ministerial life. If it takes him that long to observe the obvious then what the hell is he doing as an MP let alone member of the government. The cheeky f***er should be deselected by his constituency. Next thing we know he'll be announcing that the Berlin wall has come down.

* Bollywood star suffers.
Much outrage about celeb big brother over bullying and racial abuse of a bollywood star here in debt ridden england. Needless to say the press got it all wrong. What we really have is beautiful, intelligent Indian Bollywwod star in the big brother house with some really rough english mingers who know when they're outclassed, so its bitch bitch woof woof from the english dogs. The brainless scrubbers are giving the looker the 'who does she think she is' treatment and are naturally as is their nature trying to isolate the Indian looker. I don't know if Indian women are different from english women but she appears to be a bit bewildered.
Anyway what this country needs is more gorgeous Indian women and less Jade Grunters perhaps we could arrange a swap. I'm told by a friend that Indian women are born with their own irresistible perfume, any truth in that anyone?

The January blues has still got me so thats it I'm afraid.

* The BBC had some sort of competition with teams from Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales and England. I caught the end while channel hoping. Saturday night and a heavy cold, Northern Ireland and England were kneck and kneck, the rules allowed the competitors to exclude a team from the question round, the entertaining thing was the obvious and deep desire of Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland to prevent England from winning thus Scotland and Wales conspired in the hope of getting Northern Ireland to win, even to their own detriment.
The english engaged in a bit of booing, but eventually won on phone votes.
Obviously, as elsewhere in the world, the english are regarded with some contempt by the other members of the UK. My suggestion is that Northern Ireland, Wales and Scotland form a breakaway union and leave us English to get on with screwing england up. My only doubt is the advisability of union with Northern Ireland which is notorious for disagreeing with itself. Three separate states may be a better solution.

* January Blues
The new year hangover drags on though not physically incapacitated the joy has gone and every piece of news causes unexpected depression of the heaviest kind. The news keeps bleating on about carbon emissions and global warming even politicians are promising to balance their carbon debt. How they intend to do this I do not know. First Bollocks Blair then Bollocks Browne came out with promises. Why these people bother I don't know.
Everybody knows the disaster is coming and we will all be cursed by future generations that survive. Idiots keep assuming that the human race is rational when it is obvious to anyone with two brain cells to interlink that the human race is collectively round the bend and back again for another turn.
If the human race was rational everyone would immediately devote resources to sorting the problem out and masses of activity would be organised to this end. The rise of Nazi Germany should be a big enough clue as to the nature of man to say nothing of Rwanda, Bosnia, Iraq, the English, etc, etc.

* A friend rang to tell me I had missed a Doc Dick Dawkins special. My friend informs me that the Dick Dawk declared atheists to be in the position Gays were in before they all came out the closet and turned into the loveable liberated people they are. Interestingly one of the only groups to have an identity based purely on a sexual preference. Gay pride being proud of a sexual preference for the individuals of the same sex, however, I digress.
Doc Dawkins wants atheists to bite the bullet, resist oppression and come out the cupboard and declare their atheism with pride. This is excellent news I look forward to the first celebration of 'Atheist Pride'. We must immediately campaign to stop atheist bashing, innocent individuals walking around believing their is no divine being are constantly subjected to abuse and worse. I believe badges are available which read 'Glad to be Atheist' with Doc Dick Dawks face smiling from the centre.
I intend to start a group to out closet atheists hiding behind hypocritical religious facades or agnostic poses. I encourage others to do the same.
Watch this blog for the names of the rich and/or famous who are cupboard atheists.

My first outing is Peter Tatchell, queer as a coote and incapable of imagining any being greater than himself.

* Simone Clarke
The English National Ballet leading dancer Simone Clarke is dancing in the wonderful Giselle. The baby-boomer rag the guardian outed her as a member of the BNP and she now faces protests from anti-racist groups. The Guardian is a soft-left rag promoting baby-boomer liberal views that are worth reading for the amusement to be gained from the articles. Its sister paper the Observer actively promotes astrology while affecting a rational stance. The observer womens supplement is a never ending source of amusement well worth the price when it is issued. The rest of the paper can be safely dumped in the bin in the knowledge it contains nothing of interest.
Now that I know the Guardian is upset over the BNP membership of Ms Clarke I am determined to join myself, not that I agree with much the BNP has to say but if it annoys the useless and worthless baby-boomers on the Guardian I feel obliged to join.
I encourage everyone to sign up and communicate the fact to the Guardian claiming they were pursuaded by the articles they read in the pages of this Hampstead tossers **** sheet.
Lets face it if the Guardians against something one is duty bound to support it just to avoid anyone thinking you read the bloody thing.
The Guardians inability to appreciate the existential majesty of art is typical. Who cares what the woman thinks, she can dance, the highest form of art there is.
If I want opinions I won't be rushing to ballet dancers to supply them.
The BNP is currently a legitimate political party so what's the big deal.

* BBC Funding
Tessa Jowell was on BBC radio4 protesting that the government had no interest in influencing the BBC. Yeah right we know politicians love criticism. This was all to do with Greg Dyke having to resign. The board of the BBC failing to support him. How do you get to be on the board of the BBC or any of the numerous quangos the government sets up to keep executive power out of the reach of the voting public. This sort of set up is a sure sign that the electorate is being f**ked over and democracy circumvented. I wouldn't mind a lucrative post or three myself I promise to go along with anything the government says as long as the bribes are paid into my account. I may be amiss but didn't the new labour government promise to reduce quangos? action nill.
John Humph-alot was concerned that the BBC would get the funding it needs to continue paying pointless media celebs vast quantities of undeserved wages and to continue producing the utter crap it broadcasts. Last night we had dieting humans in a zoo. The program indulged in some scatalogical humour involving analyzing shit. They even thought we would like to view a turd or two. If this is what Humph-alot is thinking about then count me out. Seeing baby-boomers in a zoo was about the only judgement they got right. They should privatise the BBC instead of charging me to view exactly the same sort of crud as the private sector produces. There is no justification for BBC3 and BBC4 as I've said previously the total decent output could be put on BBC2. Sell the bloody corp off and spend the money on something useful before the tories get in, sell it off and spend the money on electoral bribes or tax cuts as they like to call them.
I mean I don't care if the UK likes being the *rsehole of the world but a bit of money on infrastructure would be nice.
I understand we're the top refuse producer in Europe and I presume have the most rats perhaps the sport of ratting with small terriers should be revived my uncle thinks it was popular in the north at one time, sounds likely.

* Baby-Boomer Blues.
It appears that free care for the baby-boomers surviving parents is on the way out with suggestions that they will have to be cared for by their children. Thats a vote loser ! The blood of the baby-boomers must have run cold at the very thought. Remember when your parents (baby-boomers) are old and have spent all the inheritance to turf them into the street where they can wander bewildered, worthless and useless to the end.

* Bush targets.
President Bush he of the interesting use of language has decided to send 20,000 additional targets to Iraq for the terrorists in Iraq to shoot at or blow up. He doesn't seem to realise what a joy it was to those with anti-american sentiments when they discovered that they would be able to kill Americans as a large number of them had been obligingly sent to the house next door. They also received an invitation from the dumbo Bush when he said to the world 'bring it on'. Never has an invitation to a scrap been so whole heartedly taken up. Now he is sending even more! Didn't he hear Saddam when he announced the tactics to oppose the Americans would be based on those of the Vietnam war i.e. guerrilla based. Deaths in Iraq are now running at 1000 a week!! The rhetoric from the Americanos seems to be switching to a 'the Iraq government must do this thing or that thing' guess whose fault its going to be if the yanks pull out.
I understand that during the Vietnam war the insurgent forces noted that Americans did not like to be killed nor did they like their comrades to be killed particularly as no one seemed to appreciate it. It looks as though this lesson wasn't learnt.
I mean is Prez Bush trying to destabilise the Middle East? If he is then looks like his plan is on-course. Isn't it time the middle-eastern countries had a big conference before they all catch fire?
Now Billy Bush is playing in Somalia I don't hold out much hope there either.

* Stephanie. - Despite numerous letters and Emails from myself, I notice that the excellent news-reader Stephanie on BBC News 24 has still not been promoted to controller of this pointless off-shoot of the BBC. You might have thought that you would get more news, but no it endlessly repeats itself all day long telling us less than the terrestial news program headlines. It is exactly like Sky-News so whats the point. Apart from discovering Stephanie it has no reason to exist. It should close down, put Stephanie on a much higher wage,leave the job to Sky-News, thus recouping the wages of Jonathan Ross and other overpaid talking heads.

* Blair Baloney

The soon (hopefully) to leave office Prime minister said on the subject of Saddam's execution in Iraq (something the media got very excited about him not saying anything about for reasons known only to the media) this :
"So the crimes that Saddam committed do not excuse the manner of his execution, and the manner of his execution does not excuse the crimes.
"Now I think that's a perfectly sensible position that most people would reasonably accept".
Well 'the manner of his execution does not excuse the crimes' is a strange statement seeming to imply some moral equivalence between the punishment and the crime. As though everyone was sitting round saying now he's (Saddam) been verbally abused on the scaffold and had his execution videoed that makes it all square. I'll put his picture back up.
The consequence of crime which has the result in a penalty from the law enforcement agencies of society surely has no relevance to the moral judgement on a crime. The penalty is whatever it is. Whether you think verbal abuse of criminals or the execution of criminals is a proper penalty is a completely different issue and excuse is neither here nor there.

* Old bollocks then said when questioned about the amount of CO2 pollution caused by aircraft taking him on holiday : "I'm not going to be in the situation of saying I'm not going to take holidays abroad or use air-travel. It's just not practical".
Use of air travel is one thing but how taking holidays abroad is not practical I fail to understand. How is it impractical for him to holiday at home? Presumably this refers to the constant earache he would be getting from the avaricious one if he took her to beautiful Bognor or some other desirable English resort.

* Thought Police and Gays
The totally worthless baby-boomer t*ssers in the government have passed a bill that makes it illegal to object to gay sexual practices. They are implementing it in Northern Ireland first in order to punish the protestants for sabotaging the NI Good Friday agreement. Lets hope that doesn't backfire.
This new law will be awkward for those who think buggery is not a natural method of sexual engagement. This is obviously absurd if God didn't approve of gay males he would not have given us anuses. I personally think as long as a good Dettol enema is applied first there can be no objection to a bit of s*** shunting. The free thinking baby-boomers in their pursuit of bad thoughts will be directing the thought police to hunt out those who express any objection to a couple of male tarts trying to puncture each others large bowel.
It will not I presume be an offence to object to hetero-sexual couples indulging in this desirable activity. I understand from an article I once read in the freedom loving Guardian that this is the preferred method of coupling for todays heteros.
I am uncertain as to whether bi-sexuals are covered by this law I presume when in hetero mode they are not but when in 'Gay' mode they are.
This law has upset the Christian churches in England as they tend to regard buggery as unnatural and unlikely to lead to conception.
If you feel strongly about s*** shunting you had better get it off your chest now, before you are hauled before a Judge and sent down for your unacceptable views.

* Tony Bollocks Blair.
I was told that f*ck-up features, on finally leaving us in peace, will be setting up a foundation. Who else was booted out and also set up a foundation? Yes you guessed mrs thatcher (his political mentor) did, talk about walking in the footsteps, has this guy ever had an original idea? Anyone who knows of one please tell me what it was. Lets hope he disappears on the extremely lucrative talk circuit and bores his paying guests to death.

* I was pleased to see that the news-reader Stephanie has re-appeared on BBC news 24.
Anyone have a picture of her on a night-out, burning the double ended candle?

* Back
I'm back and wrecked but I have to say that I was watching the TV when on came a news item that made me feel ill. Yes it was those aging worthless babyboomers heading into the failing 60's with a 'Sexy at Sixty' item. Cue a lot of over moisturised faces and chicken necks trying to convince them selves that they're still desirable in their sixties!! Pass the vomit bag. Sexy at forty I might be prepared to consider, but this botox generation have really lost it. Baby-boomer parents are seriously delusional you might like to consider getting them sectioned.