Debris

2007-05-02T03:19:00.000-07:00

* A new report on the dangers of cannabis has been produced, it claims 500,000 people are dependent on cannabis (yeah right) well, well, well what are the withdrawal symptoms? We should be told. Then Professor Robin Murray, a consultant psychiatrist at the Institute of Psychiatry, said the research provided the strongest evidence that cannabis had a significant impact on the brain. He said proving a long-term effect was extremely difficult, as it was not ethical or feasible to stimulate long-term psychosis in volunteers. Yeah it does have a significant effect its called being stoned. The report says 50% of the subjects displayed symptoms of psychosis but did not say what these were, perhaps laughing uncontrollably might be involved.
It goes on : However, he said: "If something has an active effect in inducing the symptoms of psychosis after one dose, then it would not be at all surprising if repeated use induced the chronic condition." Well I guess uncle dave is as mad as a hatter as he's been using for at least 40 years, I will phone him later to give him the bad news.
Uncle Dave says the serious affect of smoking dope is to reduce forward planning and ambition to extremely low levels, this induces a passive approach where most activities involve a smoke 'ah thats better' view of life.

* Channel 4 is in trouble and pleading for public money which I personally think should not be supplied. Channel 4 has blamed a drop in advertising revenues and higher spending on digital TV for a 70% slump in profits to £14.5m during 2006.
C4 added that the figures showed it needed extra state funding, or it would have to screen more commercial shows at the expense of public service content.
Or one might draw the conclusion that its programs are utter sh*t and no one watches. I think they should cut down on the cokehead impersonators and jerbil lovers and employ someone who understands television broadcasting.

2007-05-01T03:52:00.000-07:00

* Tony Blair still with his eye on his legacy has stepped into the row about councils switching to fortnightly rubbish collections saying that he prefers weekly bin rounds. He said it was for councils to decide, but there must be "better ways" for them to boost recycling. Mr Blair told GMTV: "It is for local councils to decide but in the end I am a traditionalist on this one, to be absolutely frank.
Well, well, well tony bollocks the traditionalist once again he speaks out on the issues affecting middle england.

* There was also some complaint about nothing having been done to prevent death by friendly fire. The solution is not to indulge in military adventures with the americans. There you go problem solved.

2007-04-30T02:58:00.000-07:00

* Jack straw the ugly pointless apologist for new labour was claiming that voters were less grumpy this year. What does that mean? Jack is trying to talk up labours chances in the coming round of local elections suggesting voters are saying they will not vote labour when they actually intend to owing to the astounding success this government has had in making the rich richer and the poor poorer. Unfortunately for all of us who think jack should crawl into a hole and shed his skin, he is running Gorden Broons leadership campaign which means unless a wonderful surprise happens that he will still be in the cabinet. After hissing his talk up jack then hissed his comments about the fact that multiculturalism has produced isolated communities and how more needs to be done to make everyone feel british, I assume this is in response to the fact that people no longer describe themselves as british but as welsh, english, scots, etc. Lets hope this pointless prat has his local council turn BNP that would amuse me no end.

2007-04-28T04:35:00.000-07:00

* Overwhelming lassitude still sums up my day. My partner tries the stop moping around and pull yourself together form of therapy unfortunately it fails to work and a complete lack of interest makes me foolishly say 'yeah, yeah, yeah'. This causes me to be subject to an alternative form of therapy carried out with increased decibels. I decide to lie down on the bed the light thru the window is far too bright so I close the curtains and gaze at the ceiling. This passes most of the day but I am unable to sleep.
The news on the BBC fails to engage my attention even Tony bollocks blair admitting to making a mistake over failing families just about registers. The gist pinched from the BBC is :
He said measures should be added to the ASB laws that would target "failing" families early even before offences had been committed or they had "become a menace". "Instead of years with social services trying and failing to persuade them to change, those families need to be made to change," "It is very tough. It is intrusive but, for some of these families and their children, a nanny state is what they need - for their sake as much as for ours."
Nothing appeared to explain how they identify these families before they commit unspecified offences or just how you go about making them change.
As Blair is about to go its hard to understand what this is about apart from an attack on cameron the tory toff for being about to make the same mistake. However I can hardly give a damn and intend to go and lie down on the frontroom floor.

2007-04-27T04:10:00.000-07:00

* Some alcohol monitoring group were demanding a law to make it illegal to give under fifteens alcoholic drinks or some such thing, sure enough out came the old chestnut about the frogs giving their kids drinks and how they grow up to drink sensibly, as though plying drinks to english kids would do the same. Then the BBC dragged on some middleclass mum to tell us she gives her kids drinks and how they won't grow up to be binge drinkers cue middleclass kid saying how they won't binge drink when they grow up (eat those words later you dumb prat).
Why the BBC indulges in these general to contrary particular as if it proves anything is a complete mystery unless everyone is so dumb they are impressed by such ludicrous antics, come to think of it they probably are.
What is more perplexing is the governments refusal to admit their may be a problem with their drug of choice. The spokesperson put up did a pathetic attempt to deny the figures look bad or had got worse since 'New Labour gives you cheap booze' have been in power. I can only assume their stock portfolios are stuffed with shares in suppliers and purveyors of alcohol. Presumeably everyone's happy as can be sat behind their curtains stuffing cheap booze down their throats. The other possibility is that if booze went up in price the government would loose much needed taxes from trips to frogland to fill up white vans and four by fours with cheap frog plonk.

2007-04-26T08:10:00.000-07:00

* Went back to Dr to complain about complete lack of interest in life. Dr says that the virus infection can cause that sort of response should be dancing, singing and cracking jokes soon. Listened to news on BBC Humphalot was giving the anglicans a roasting for giving a paedophile the boot instead of calling the police. Humphalot without prompting decided the defense that paedophiles weren't the hate object of the day at the end of the eighties wasn't valid, despite the fact that no one mentioned it, as everyone was redhot to target paedophiles at the end of the eighties. These sexual deviants are the only ones left we can pillory now that consenting adults can do whatever they want. I suppose necrophiliacs would get some stick if any were caught.
It seems a bit obvious but where there are children paedophiles will attempt to get near them and wouldn't think twice about getting ordained if it got them near their target. Their very like junkies lying sneaky bastards you can't believe a word they say. Once a male has got a fantasy in his head that gets him aroused there is little you can do to shift it.
What was most alarming was the choir master concerned only got two and a half years he'll be out in no time looking for targets, seems a small penalty for ruining someones childhood.

2007-04-25T03:41:00.000-07:00

* Still laid out by complete apathy. While I was in bed I read one of my partners books, 'The Waves' by Virginia Woolf, I must recommend this if you haven't read it, its a novel long prose poem which is incredibly evocative. It consists of a number of monologues by 6 friends over the various phases of life. This might not sound very exciting but the poetry of the discourses lasts the whole of the book. For some reason it put me in mind of T S Elliot but that was a minor thing. Do yourself a favour and read it.
I'm also reading 'La Morte d' Aurthur' by Malory, this is a completely different kettle of fish, I'm about a third of the way thru and completely perplexed. First you get the sword from the stone story then a battle with an alarming number of Kings, then a series of stories about various Knights that seem to have no rime or reason to them. In the early part a battle is described this is not so much a battle as a saga of horse swapping. Knight A knocks Knight B of his horse, knight C sees Knight B fighting on foot and knocks Knight D off his horse, Knight C gives Knight B the horse belonging to Knight D, Knight E sees Knight D fighting on foot and so on and so forth for the whole of the battle description.
The stories about individual Knights seem to have no point unless its to discover that the Knight seemingly a peasant by birth is infact of noble birth, otherwise its a series of jousts, dwarfs, damsels and Knights sitting in tent pavilions waiting for someone to come along and fight them. All defeated Knights not killed get sent to King Arthur to become Knights of the round table. In one episode we get a black Knight (killed) a Red Knight defeated, a Green Knight defeated, a Blue Knight defeated, then another Red Knight defeated then the protagonist winning fair lady but kept from a bit of pre-marital sex by the fair Ladies sister by the interference of a Knight who is continually resurrected from the dead. Anyone who knows what's going on please enlighten me.

2007-04-24T03:30:00.000-07:00

* This is interesting (for me anyway) I have been overcome with a complete lack of interest in anything. I am putting it down to the antibiotics and steroids the Dr dished out to me. I can hardly be bothered to type this but I thought if I don't try and get back into it I'll never do it. I now know what the sin of ennui feels like.
I noted with hardly any interest the british media getting excited by the latest educationally relate massacre in the USA. Yet again they feel that if some brit tells the yanks they need gun control they will all say 'hey we never thought of that' and then appear perplexed when they don't. The fact that owning a gun is one of the pillars of the american state does not seem to cross their stupid minds. Not one yank interviewed thought no guns was a good idea and all supported the right to bear arms. Why they thought the yanks might care what brits think was even more perplexing.

* Some statistic came out that 20,000 women per year have late abortions because they don't know they are pregnant. Yeah right. This was accepted as perfectly reasonable by the media. Much of it was attributed to the failure of their method of contraception, how unlucky it should fail during the fertile period, and their continuing to have periods. This figure was used to raise concern that the number of doctors who will perform late abortions is falling. I suspect it has more to do with the failure of their 'Hey I'm pregnant' strategy on their partners and put it in the same category with 'lets get married' strategy of people who have lived together for some time (see below). Otherwise, some one should really look into contraception as it seems to fail at an alarming rate given the number of abortions.

2007-04-16T06:05:00.000-07:00

* Have had dire chest infection with temp' etc, feel like s*** will blog again soon.

2007-04-07T04:22:00.000-07:00

* “Brits are set to spend a massive £520 million on Easter eggs this year — but many young people don’t even know what Easter’s all about,” said the press release from Somerfield after a survey. It then went on to claim that the tradition of giving Easter eggs was to celebrate the “birth” of Christ. An amended version changed this to the “rebirth” of Christ. Finally a third press release accepted Church teaching that Easter celebrated the resurrection of Christ.
Oh my God !?

* I couldn't be bothered washing pebbles yesterday so I bought a copy of the guardian newspaper which always gives me a good laugh and I wasn't wrong. Sure enough Polly Toynbee was in there, you can't claim polly has more than one drum. She was protesting about any attempt to suggest women should rear their own young. Polly claims there are more differences between different human personalities than between men and women. Well I don't know how big a difference between giving birth to children and merely donating dna is but as I understand it bringing forth ones young in travail is a big difference. Women who have given birth naturally tell me its quite a stressful experience or bloody painful. There's always the possibility that other instincts might exist for after this event, as I understand it new born babies do not survive well without some further attention.
After having a good laugh at Polly's liberal credentials I read a comment by some guy whose name I have forgotten on T S Eliot's poem East Coker. He quotes the lines, ' In my beginning is my end / in my end is my beginning' and accuses Eliot of oriental obscurantism. Perhaps he didn't want to blemish his liberal credentials by knowing anything about Christianity but I would have thought as Eliot was a high anglican that this might relate to being born of the flesh and death and being born of the spirit and beginning in eternity in the presence or absence of God, or something along those lines. There were more laughs in the paper and I found the malaise of my hangover fading as I read on.

Ho Hum I think I'll go down the pub.

2007-04-06T04:46:00.000-07:00

* ooooh bad head day. I don't think I'll be doing much today my head hurts, I guess I'll have to resort to my back up plan for today which is to dig up some pebbles from the front garden of the flat. I will then wash them and mail them to various seaside resorts apologising for removing them. I also intend to write a letter accusing the muppets who live over the road of hoarding a large collection of pebbles taken from protected beaches. This should occupy me until the pain has gone. I looked at the news and it was too depressing to contemplate.
Happy Easter.

2007-04-05T03:14:00.000-07:00

* I was listening to the bbc news and realised nothing I had heard had annoyed me (actually most of it annoyed me but not enough to be bothered thinking about it) so I was wondering what to blog when on the BBC website I found the following bit of idiocy which needs no comment :
Best-selling novelist Ian McEwan is to send back a handful of pebbles he admitted taking from a protected beach. The area is designated a site of special scientific interest and anyone caught removing pebbles could be fined. Mr McEwan had told BBC Radio 4's Start The Week programme that he took two handfuls of pebbles from the beach. In a statement, Mr McEwan said: "'I was not aware of having committed a crime, having not seen any signs on Chesil Beach. Mr McEwan is unable to return the stones in person due to other commitments but agreed to pass the shingle to the crew who are due to film on the beach, near Abbotsbury, on Thursday. A spokeswoman for Weymouth and Portland Borough Council said: "We are most grateful to Mr McEwan for returning the pebbles. "By doing so he highlights the responsibility we all have as individuals to protect our natural environment and heritage."
Oh my God.

* In addition, I discovered that despite having an admirable old Etonian as head of the party, the tories are making no headway in the polls in the north of england. Why this is I have little idea, who can fathom the thought processes of a northener. I suspect, however, that it has something to do with the fact that the last time the tories were in power, due to their idiotic monetary policies, they shut down all manafacturing and other businesses in the north and spent not a bean on this part of the realm.
Such petty grudge bearing is typical of people living amongst the post-thatcherite industrial blight in the north. I expect coach loads of full bladders to trek across the country to add their flowing tribute on thatchers grave.

2007-04-04T02:59:00.000-07:00

* The BBC reprised its two ten year olds texting spat and announced they had received mail on the subject. It did not give the split which usually means most people thought it was idiotic. They then had some old fart rambling on about being caught scrumping plumbs and the local bobby, who knew everybody, took him home for a good smack from his father. Then to my amazement he then related how his wife, a school teacher, had within her class a child who bit people, she bit the child as punishment and was warmly commended by its mother. Ah the good old days!?
After this revelation came an email pronouncing the message 'You are a gay boy.' to be homophobic. This being the case it seems to me that both boys should receive a good smack from dad or be bitten by their mothers. The child who sent it as a series of insults and the child who received it and thought it was an insult. This is just as homophobic as the sending.
If someone texted me and said 'Saxby your as gay as the day is long', I would merely assume the texter had been misinformed and it would never occur to me it was an insult. I told my gay friend that the boy should be taken to a gay club so he could see how perfectly normal it all is, stylishly dressed men drinking together. My friend did not think that was a good idea (to say the least) and suggested that a visit to a gay couple in a long term relationship would be better. I reluctantly agreed, all such homophobic children should be taken round to see Elton John and partner to have the error of their ways explained to them. Just the threat of being taken to see Elton should be enough.

* Thanking the Americans. I never thought I would be thanking the Americans for anything but during the Falklands war the UK received military ordnance from the yanks. Not all Reagan's administration agreed or infact knew about it including Ronnie himself. Caspar Weinberg (or however his name is spelt) did the deed. As a result the Argentinian fascist junta folded which was good news all round, except probably for the Americans who liked that sort of regime in south America. Hooray for the colonies oops I mean land of the brave and free.

2007-04-03T09:14:00.000-07:00

* According to a recent survey one in ten UK citizens attend church once a week. The breakdown of these figures shows 14% are in England but only 12% are in wales, 45% in northern Ireland and 18% in scotland. This is a disgrace for the English who appear to be more religious than the Welsh. I comfort myself with the thought that a good many of the english will have been lying and amusing themselves by claiming to go once a week when what they mean is they pass a church once a week.
I don't know how an englishman or englishwoman is going to be able to hold up their head in the presence of the welsh.

* The thought police have been out according to the bbc. Two ten year old boys having fallen out were texting each other with insults. One of the boys called the other 'a gay boy'. The father of the receiver of this message informed the police. Round came the thought police to the texter's home to threaten him with an ASBO if he didn't stop using politically incorrect epithets. That should put the little bugger in his place. Well done the police for wasting every bodies time by telling some ten year old not to use gay boy as an insult. I assume the use of the term 'gay boy' is O.K. if used as a statement of fact or as a compliment, of course context is everything so I guess the PC idiots need to be especially alert. I was wondering how sodomite might be interpreted I will be texting it about to find out.
By the way I find that my 'I can't say it, but I'm thinking it' T shirt offends just about everybody particularly women for some reason.

2007-04-02T02:55:00.000-07:00

* Successful mission completed and here we all are as happy as can be. The journey was a complete pain on the inadequate motorways. It is brought home to anyone unfortunate to attempt a journey of any distance that everything in britain is distributed by articulated lorry. The government talks about charging car drivers to use the roads, it could all be solved at a stroke if all the freight was distributed by some other means e.g. rail and picked up a central points. The government of course isn't going to take on the lorry drivers after the petrol price fiasco.

* Sorry about that but driving is no pleasure. Our friend willingly returned with us so I guess mine and my partners souls are still o.k. I didn't get the chance to raise the subject again as my partner was deep in conversation surveying the current state of the lives of mutual friends and acquaintances in some detail I might add. I brought up my interest in people living together getting married and our friend agreed with me she said the recurring phrase is 'after we married things changed' as our friend says, the only difference is a piece of paper from the registry not known for it's magical properties, its the grasp at a floating plank before it all goes under. Still its a good move if you do think its going drainwards as it puts the splitting up on an more equitable level, I don't want to appear cynical but this also could be part of the consideration.
I also popped round to see uncle Dave, he was spraying water mist on his herbal garden. I mentioned that everytime medicinal herbs get mentioned by the media everyone gets very heated about skunk. They say its 10 to 30 times stronger than the herbs you were using back in the sixties. Uncle Dave just turned and said, 'I wish it was.' So there you go still a disputed area. If old bent brains isn't impressed then it isn't true.

* Picture blog has been updated.

2007-03-28T05:15:00.000-07:00

* I'm off with my partner to visit a female friend and bring her back for the Easter so this blog won't get updated til next monday. This friend is quite an interesting woman, she is in no way a new ager (acts spitting routine) but she is shall we say strange. The thing that attracted my attention was one day at a tribal gathering she told me she didn't like a woman of mutual acquaintance. When I asked why she said' She hasn't got a soul.' Meaning what? asked I. 'She's not connected to anything.' said my enigmatic friend. Apparently there are people around without souls. She wasn't certain whether they were born without them or they died on them as she had never seen a small child without one. They are disaster areas apparently and I must admit she was right about our mutual acquaintance who causes sore hearts and broken lives scattered about. I wondered if she was therefore like a robot but apparently not. They lack discernment she said. Anyway I hope my soul hasn't done a runner or she won't come with us which would be a shame as she is immensely entertaining.

* A friend emailed me who had seen my report on mr cameron and pointed out that cameron had proposed the support of marriage. This is a positive in his favour. The thing is that not everyone who might like to get married has enough room in their house to accommodate a nanny. A grant should be provided to enable married couples to get an additional room added to their houses. In addition he pointed out that some poorer families could not afford to pay their nannies the minimum wage and this might explain the large number of illegal immigrants in the country, who are acting as nannies to poor people paying them beneath the minimum wage. Obviously a top up grant for poor people is required.

2007-03-27T04:03:00.000-07:00

* An extremely amusing program was broadcast on C4 about the tory leader. Its main point was to show that cameron has absolutely no convictions whatsoever and drifts like a log in the tide. This was I suppose designed to shock but it seemed only mete and right in this age where society gets its directions from cokeheads. The only noteworthy things about cameron was he went to Eton, most of the shadow cabinet went to Eton, he was a member of an elite upper class glee club whose object is to get 'hog whimpering drunk' and smash up restaurants, which 'mummy and daddy' then pay-off to keep junior out of jail, and the fact cameron does the dishes without rolling up his sleeves.
He seems the very man for our times, shallow, no convictions and completely unaware of how the lower orders live. This puts him on a par with the liberal elite running the agenda who have no effing idea what its like on a sink estate either.
The only reason he's in charge is the fact that the tories have despaired of ever getting back in power.

* More depressing news came when it emerged that the Ninja Mutant Turtles are topping the box office in the land of the brave and free. Then there was blair and the church of england beating its breast and apologising for the slave trade. Well f*** me don't include me I can assure people I had nothing to do with it and any idea I'm accepting responsibility for the actions of previous generations is out. I expect all my forebears were pulling forelocks on Cameron and his shadow cabinets forebears estates. I mean wasn't the slave trade an excellent example of the entrepreneurial spirit and the triumph of market forces. Not the first time someone pursued profit at the expense of someone else's misery. Accept responsibility for your own actions or lack of action I won't be volunteering to shoulder anyone's successes or failures.

2007-03-26T03:36:00.000-07:00

* I was watching BBC2 last night with a number of friends to view the last of the programs on liberty and freedom. The program was highlighting two basic political approaches since world war 2. These being the imposition of a political system which has as its end some sort of utopian society. This political approach permits the use of violence and terrorism (ends justify means) because of the beneficial outcome (yeah right). The second approach has been the libertarian position of allowing individuals to pursue their own ends within given parameters (of course). The first approach is illustrated by soviet russia the second by the USA.
The second approach was developed over the years to incorporate the imposition of democracy, market economics and the belief that individuals will always pursue their own aims without regard for the welfare of others. This approach was used in the reconstruction of the Russian economy and society after the fall of communism where it was a resounding success, oops sorry a big disaster.
These ideas despite the fact that they did not appear to work have continued in america and britain, a particular case being Tony bollocks Blair e.g. Iraq which has been a resounding success, oops sorry a really big disaster and a cause of great shame in the UK.
When mr Blair appeared on the screen a number of friends began acting ' a man spitting on the floor' routine. One of those present remarked that Tony bollocks Blair seemed to have been born in order to illustrate the proverb, ' the road to hell is paved with good intentions'. This was not just Iraq my friend thought but in almost everything he has done. Whatever his hand has touched is now swirling round the plughole. I thought that possibly Northern Ireland seemed to be progressing O.K.
This was allowed by most but the proponent said 'just wait'. here's hoping he's wrong.

* Couples getting married. After the interesting discussion by my partner and her friends I decided to research by a quick poll round acquaintances, whether there seemed to be anything in the theory that couples who have been living together who then get married will seperate soon after. I decided that 4 years of co-habitation before marrying was a reasonable rule of thumb. To my surprise it appears that this is in fact the case (given that the sample is small) and 18 months does seem to be the persistence limit after marriage.
I decided to ask my partner what she thought on this issue. It seems that it is regarded as a fact amongst her acquaintances. She was of the opinion that one or other of the partners usually the woman notices that the other partner is getting twitchy and showing less interest in them. In order to avoid losing the partner they then push the idea of marriage. The other partner goes along with this as they don't feel ready to split. They get married, this brings on the impending crisis and hey presto divorce.
I'd love some stats on this if anyone has or knows of any. So beware of partners who push for marriage they've detected drift and you can now save money by saying no.

2007-03-24T03:45:00.000-07:00

* I see now that I misunderstood the budget from Mr Brown, it was infact a stakeholder budget. In the past the very poorly paid were paying little in tax. This means they did not feel that they had much of a stake in SS England, now that they will be paying more tax this will make them feel much better because they are increasing their stake in contributing to the national purse. In addition they will have the reward of knowing they are easing the burden on the better off who are loaded down with the weight of debt. The feel good factor amongst the worse paid people in the country will soar and this always has a beneficial effect on the country as a whole.

* My partner and her friends were discussing an article on modern sexuality which revealed among many things that most women's sex life in terms of attaining orgasm were very poor in Great Britain. In fact the much vaunted Hollywood mutual climax (see any film with coupling in it) is as rare as a junkie who pays back money he borrowed from you i.e. virtually unheard of. There was much discussion amongst the girls about inconsiderate partners, too much to drink beforehand, what you could and couldn't say at the consenting moment. I pointed out to them that the problem was that the art of faking an orgasm was now so well practised that the chance of the average guy knowing he was putting on a poor show was low to nill. I was dismissed on this point by the fact that none of those present had ever faked an orgasm and whoever I was referring to (dirty looks from my partner) it wasn't anyone they knew and also sex wasn't swept under the carpet anymore and open discussion between the sexes regularly took place. It was generally felt that I must have been living in portugal or some other retrograde country.
The conversation then drifted to a discussion about couples who had lived together for a long time who suddenly get married. This is usually followed by a split about a year or two later. It was generally felt it was a sure bet and much pulling apart of a couple who were just about to do this took place. Six months was the agreed time before a split. Well, knowing that saves a lot of needless expense.

2007-03-23T04:02:00.000-07:00

* It becomes more obvious each week that when the liberals elected Ming the Merciless as leader of the party (Menzies Campbell) they were committing political suicide. Instead of the rather likeable Scot Charles Kennedy they replaced him with a useless old bastard who everyone ignores when he gets up to speak. Currently as part of an attempt to get some voters he has been criticising stop and search laws for the benefit of Muslims. Ming feels such laws alienate the muslim community. The defendant in the current muslim bomber trials had the gall to suggest that they weren't trying to blow people up as that was murder and as muslims they wouldn't do such a thing. A similar plea to that given when it was said muslim men might disguise themselves as veiled women was refuted on the basis no muslim man would do such a demeaning thing. The new labour and conservative parties must be laughing amongst themselves over Mings piss-poor performance.

* Drugs.
If anyone is thinking of drug taking as a recreation a group of scientists have produced a list of drugs in sequence of most harmful to least harmful. See below for list pinched from the BBC website. Alcohol which got off pretty lightly in the budget is ranked very high for the harm caused. Spirits probably the most harmful form got sod-all in tax. This government is nothing if not surprising completely ignoring the warnings over current alcohol consumption. I see that LSD gets a pretty low rating. I'm not sure what dosage is sold but if its 250 mikes I would caution people new to the drug scene not to plumb for that one right away. Ecstacy gets a low rating considering all the dire warnings that intermittently emerge. Needless to say Heroin and Cocaine get top slots. Considering its the drug of choice for media, arts and political types this is all you need to know to figure out the amusing goings on deck of SS England.

2007-03-22T03:00:00.000-07:00

* A lot of playing of instruments, drinking of booze and consumption of exotic tobacco took place and a couple split up. Apparently the relationship had been over for sometime but neither of them bothered mentioning it to the other. Both claimed to have been dumped, which was unusual as the fight is usually over who dumped who first. This lack of cohesion bummed the last two days as the activities were punctuated by some bitter criticism from both sides. I was much amused but others regarded it as bad form and eventually the guy left leaving his ex-partner stranded. Mr Mandolin offered her a lift which she took despite my shaking my head furiously.
We set off back and I gallantly offered her the front passenger seat. Sure enough Clark Kent mutated into Mr Road-rage. She arrived back home white faced and fuming.

* The Chancellor has pulled a classic New labour move and made those on low wages without children worse off and the well off, better off. This typical tory measure is a fitting farewell to Tony Blair the thatcherite as he exits from number 10 and hopefully disappears into obscurity in the USA.
This measure is just what the low paid need to incentivise them to study for degrees, set up their own businesses, move to other areas of the country where better paid work is available, buy a house, well maybe not but a least afford a bed sitter and leave all minimum wage work to the never ending influx of Polish people. This is what we expect from a government deeply routed in such heroes as Bevan, sorry I mean Thatcher. Here we see the measures that have brought social mobillity to a standstill, a sound labour principle

2007-03-21T04:19:00.000-07:00

* I arranged to travel down to play a few days worth of acoustic music with a mandolin player I've known for a few years. I drove over to his at 11.30 for a 12.00 leave to the house where everyone was gathering. The mandolin player is a quiet sort of guy who occasionally makes very amusing comments. Little did I know. We finally left in his car at 2.30 p.m. and this guy after about 10 miles turns into Mr car monster. He seems to regard everyone on the road as having deliberately come out to impede his progress. Much F'ing and Blinding takes place. Once on the motorway it's straight into the third lane foot down and drives about 4 feet from the car in front. I quickly realise he is no respecter of speed limits as we cruise at 95mph behind a blue car. Mr mandolin decides the guy in front is reading at the wheel and develops an obsessive hatred of the man in the blue car.
Eventually we have the inevitable slow down to 40 mph as the traffic clogs up, my friend decides the man in the blue car is to blame despite my pointing out there a about 5 cars in front of him. Then we're down to 30 mph next 'bang' we rear end the blue car. All onto the hard shoulder out he gets and its a sweetness and light exchange addresses and insurance, he gets back in and its F'ing B***ard rage, rage, back into the third lane. I decide not to ask if it was deliberate in case it distracts from his driving. After about an hour he looks at the junction number, announces we missed the turn off two junctions back. Gets off and instead of returning down the motorway points at a name on a sigh post and announces our mutual friend lives near it. Off we go and arrive in a village with no sign of large town nearby. He pulls up at a pub and gets out. 'We'll ring him from here'. Sit in pub drinking pints, 40 mins later friend arrives and announces we're 25 miles away from his home. We convoy back to our destination just as the night is young. I desperately try to think how to avoid a trip back with Mr Road-rage, nothing comes to mind as my car is outside his house. Once in the house hello to all the boys and girls and mandolin man turns back into mild mannered Clarke Kent. I down some valium and eventually calm down.

2007-03-13T04:30:00.000-07:00

* I'm going to visit some reprobate friends to try and persuade them to turn their lives around and become productive units for SS Great Britain. I expect I shall be totally unsuccessful and have a great time instead. I will be lugging my excellent Takamine guitar with me and some jam sessions should be in the offing. This blog will therefore not be updated for about a week.

* The BBC announced that some new story books for young children are to be introduced into primary schools. What kind of stories are these you might wonder. Well one is about a child who has two mums, another is about two male penguins who fall in love and get an egg to look after. How I roared. What is the purpose?
It is part of an anti-bullying campaign for children with two mums and two dads. The real reason is part of the PC culture to provide very young children with the positive ideas about gays. Typically the BBC didn't ask the obvious question how many children are likely to be subject to such bullying i.e. Live with gay couples. I mean how big a problem is it? The BBC then did its usual trick of interviewing some members of the public. Why not poll people so we can get some statistics? And, where do the BBC find these 'typical' members of the public? I get the feeling that they are either married to members of the BBC or they're friends of members of the BBC. We were presented with one anti and four pro these stories. Some drone from the government came on to squawk some rubbish about bullying even though its about positive imaging.

2007-03-12T04:42:00.000-07:00

* Just finished reading 'Madame Bovary' by some frog called Flaubert. This book was recommended as very depressing and reading it could spur a reluctant suicide to cross the line and enter the big black void. First it is extremely well written (allowing that obviously I was reading a translation. As a true englishman I have no foreign languages.) , once I got into it I couldn't put it down. This is another book starts at the top and slides down into the pit of despair. It is very dispiriting and makes you thankful you didn't live in those dark times. (This does not detract from the increasing bleakness that comes on the reader). I don't mention the plot line as you may very well want to read it. As the feeling of sorrow builds as the slide continues it has a bitter conclusion that just about finishes off any sense of optimism you might have. I give it **, two stars, as a slit your wrist read as a certain amount of distancing is provided by the time within which it is set. I guess Flaubert was no barrel of laughs either.

* Dishing the dirt on intellectuals: Jean-Paul Sartre gets a sizeable amount of coverage and is very rock-n'-roll. This populiser of Existentialism was what most women might describe as a real bastard. It is generally considered that Existentialism is dead in the water possibly because it had no where to go. But lets face it what can be more fundamental than the mystery of Being, in MHO, summed up by the thought 'Why is there something rather than nothing?'. I can't understand why there is something, I reckon there should be nothing, however I digress.
JP Sartre was a heroic seducer of women, mainly students from the university where he taught. He had a strange relationship with the excellent Simone De Beauvoir, i.e. one of those 'open' relationships where both could sleep around, old JPS took maximum advantage of this. His success is bizarre as he was only five foot two and as ugly as a bag of toads. Not only that but was none too hot on personal hygiene. Sometimes he seduced his own students and sometimes Simone pointed him at a few of her own. Apparently as he got older his taste for women got younger e.g. 17 yr olds.
He and Simone would get together and compare notes on their latest seductions, a bit grubby I think, but very R&R.

2007-03-10T03:38:00.000-08:00

* Hall of shame. I read that Eddie Van Halen of the band Val Halen has gone into the very trendy 'Rehab'. Van Halen are being included in theUS Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. This is a bloody disgrace what kind of rock hero goes into rehab? Imagine if Keith Richards announced he was going into rehab how everybody would laugh. Not only that but Mr Van Halen in an interview admitted the disgracefull fact that he had been to the 'luxury hotel of self-pity and expensive sympathy' twice already.
No such wimp should be in the rock 'n roll hall of fame he should join the other sad loosers in the 'I can't hack it hall of shame'.

* The tory shadow defence minister who got the royal order of the boot for talking to the PC crowd about squaddies has had to apologise and eat humble pie, some brainless tart in the SUN was still slagging him off today despite it being old news. The poor bastard's had to go despite numerous (ethnic) squaddies ringing in and saying they served with him and he wasn't a racist. This would have no effect anyway because head hunting possible racists is today's fun game. Some professor who pointed out that, despite the New Labour theory that uncontrolled immigration is good for the economy, they actually contibute about 50p a month once the cost of having them in the country has been deducted, has also been accused of racism. Obviously adverse comments about the benefit of foreign free loaders is only going to get you into trouble.

2007-03-09T04:56:00.000-08:00

* Picked up a copy of the Guardian, couldn't resist, what with a tory foot-in-mouth and policeman punches black epileptic they must have been in seventh heaven. I was not disappointed as both stories got plenty of column inches. I can't remember much about the details as the Guardian has that effect on me. It's always fun when everybody can stand up and point and shout racist. I think the general gist was the tories haven't changed, nasty bastards.
I have no comment on the police incident as that will unwrap quite nicely over the coming days.
The tory frontbencher should have known better, that sort of comment should be kept within the armed farces where they understand about these things. Training sergeants yelling abuse at squaddies is a well worn army tradition. The second comment about black squaddies using racism as an excuse probably sounds badly in the ears of the general public, but anyone who has had any dealings with squaddies knows they will use any excuse they can. 'Sergeant, I cannot tell a lie I was absent without leave'
is not a phrase you are going to hear. Skiving is an even older army tradition.
I guess the squaddies will be having a good laugh over this one.

* Dishing the dirt on intellectuals. I've just read the lowdown on Earnest Hemingway. Now Hemingway doesn't immediately leap to mind when someone says 'Intellectual' but who am I to argue. Basically he was an alcoholic of heroic proportions. He was a incredibly active philanderer and told alot of porky pies. Which is probably down to the drink and the fact that he made up stories for a living. He was also incredibly accident prone which I guess is down to the drink. He once shot himself in the leg while trying to gaff a shark which got my admiration. He had a liking for lowlifes, drink again. The author suggests he blew his own cranium off when he realised he couldn't write publishable books anymore. My guess is like many alcoholics he woke up and realised it was 'GroundHog' day again, same day, same repetitions of conversation and unlike the Al Murray character got out of the loop with two barrels of a shot gun.

2007-03-08T03:29:00.000-08:00

* I was much amused by the provision in the Mental Health Bill which would allow people with 'untreatable personality disorders' to be detained regardless of whether they have committed a crime or not. This smacks a bit too much like the old soviet unions classification of people who could be sent to mental health institutions. It begs the question what is a 'untreatable personality disorder'? If someone is detained what will the result be. Will they be subject to secondary treatments by drugs designed to make them compliant? It seems to me that any such person would spend their time working out how to escape and get abroad. Would they qualify for a request to a foreign government for their return? Perhaps the cunning idea is to get all such people to emigrate a.s.a.p to avoid what amounts to internment. How would you go about disputing a claim that you had a 'untreatable personality disorder?
Who would have thought you'd get such a measure as this from a labour government?
Bloody cheaky bastards.

* Dishing the dirt on intellectuals. I have read Marx and Ibsen but nothing very rock and roll about these two.
Shelly is much more like it. I must admit I've never been able to read much of his poetry despite repeated efforts, stll that's not what we're about. Shelly is very much rock and roll.
The basic problem with Shelly was 'whatever you do, don't lend Shelly money'. He was a free loader of the first order and despite coming from the upper echelons of society ripped everybody off without fear or favour. He also spent time promoting the idea of free love, naturally this didn't go down too well with his first wife. My guess is that these women sat and listened to him meanwhile in their heads they were thinking 'Yeah right, not when I get hold of you and turn you round.' He had a couple oh suicides and a few ruined lives, from his various entanglements the same as he did with his free thinking approach to other people's money. He ended up dead after foolishly refusing to down sails during a storm, as advised by local fishermen. He was no great father either but then again he was too preoccupied dodging debt collectors to have much time for that.

2007-03-07T03:36:00.000-08:00

* I got an email from a friend who must have chosen yesterday to visit my blog. The gist was 'Come on what do you mean nothing interesting happened, if you can't be bothered to post an entry then don't post one. Its a trivial world.., its a trivial post you mean. you sad ....' I won't bother with the unwarranted abuse from supposed friend.

* The scientists have discovered a flaw in the earth's crust, described by a scientist as : "an open wound on the surface of the Earth". Apparently the oceanic crust, usually 6-7km thick (3.7-4.3 miles), is simply not there. The crust does not seem to be repairing itself. He comments further : "Usually the plates are pulled apart and to fill the gap the mantle underneath has to rise up. As it comes up it starts to melt. That forms the magma, That's the normal process. Here it has gone awry for some reason. The crust does not seem to be repairing itself." The scientists intend to investigate this phenomenon.
Reading this I was struck that the 'wounded earth' was a suitable metaphor for the state of spaceship earth as the human race continues its attempt to completely desecrate the environment. Seems the earth has contracted some planetary form of MRSA.
Maybe its just some normal process that happens all the time, however it does have some resonance with the hole in the ozone layer.

* Digging up the dirt. I just got given a book which is a sort of celebrity bad behaviour book about intellectuals. Instead of looking at their ideas and the impact the ideas have had, it asks the question how does their behavior match up to their claims of dedication to the truth and the right. I dived in immediately and can tell you that today's celebtities are total rank amateurs and intellectuals leave these 'rehab' junkies miles behind. I've just finished 'Jean-Jaques Rousseau', what a bastard he was. He wrote a book on the raising and education of children, he had 5 children by his mistress and put them all straight into a state orphanage where the average life expectancy was about 12 months. He was also a free loader of epic proportions and it was a badge of honour never to say thanks. I think the following words used to describe him give you an idea : paranoiac; narcissistic; kleptomaniac; infantilist; irritable; miserly; self-pity, etc. He was the first to raise boorishness to a virtue, thus paving the way for the behaviour of todays celeb's. Someone described his popularity as the surest proof of the stupidity of mankind. Hey, what an accolade!

2007-03-06T07:12:00.000-08:00

* Only posted picture on Debris Images blog today.
Nothing of interest has happened. It's a trivial world full of trivial people.

2007-03-05T05:02:00.000-08:00

* Tony Blair seems to be under the illusion that all those people who left the 'New Labour' party after his enthusiastic support for the disastrous invasion of Iraq will come running back to the party after he has left for the lucrative US lecture circuit. This seems a trifle odd as it is generally held that such decisions are made by the whole of the cabinet i.e. joint responsibility. Either he is letting us know that there was no such consultation and he has been running things 'a la Stalin' or when he goes the whole of the cabinet will be going too. If the first then they should all go , if the second then this is a matter for great joy as all the useless buffoons will be going, not including Gordon Brown I presume. However, I doubt his leaving will be followed by a rush of returning voters, I think his effect on the party will be the same as thatcher on the tories.
He also suggested that his going was to avoid being given the 'Royal Order of the Boot' like Ms thatcher did, although the idea of a tearful Tony being dragged to the big black car is rather appealing. If this is true (and he hasn't said it three times so we can't be sure) then it suggests a groundswell of discontent in the party well beyond that the media have been suggesting. Considering that he went to war in Iraq thinking he would pick up lots of 'Falklands War' kudos and avoid the fate of having to live up to his promise to Gordon Brown to let Gordon have a steer of the sinking ship, one would have to be humourless not to laugh and clap one's hands with glee.

2007-03-03T04:27:00.000-08:00

* A scottish friend wrote to say that he and his wife had been down to London town to the 'Tate Modern' and had seen Tracy Emin's installation work 'Bed'. So blown away by this objet d'arte was he, that he had composed a poem on the spot. I found it so moving that I decided to share it with you.

Ode to Tracy Emin's installation 'Bed' by Angus MacDonald.

'Dinna ye know hoo' to mak' your bed, lassie,'
The woman o' the hoose sighs,
'Poor wee drunken sluttie,.
'Nae poor!'
'Oer canny intoxicated tartie'
'Thousands and thousands of pounds
For yon secondhand Slumberland
Frae such as the bampot Saatchi'
-
I kneel tae kiss this begging letter,
Take winged flight oer the restless waves,
tae oor tanked-up trollop Tracy.

2007-03-02T03:52:00.000-08:00

* I was listening to my partner and her female friend discussing her friend's lot in life. It was a bit like deja-vu as I have read and heard the same story on many occasions.
In this instance I received a reprimand as unfortunately one of her friends comments caused me to laugh out loud. This was very insensitive of me.
Her friend was obviously a very confused and frantic female. For 18 years she had been pursuing the dream of ‘self-fulfilment’ (a career, etc) as pedalled by the feminist movement and many others. The people who put the ‘self’ in there have a lot to answer for (only rich narcissists achieve self-fulfilment). It’s a myth but it sells books, I might write one, there’s lots more out there where she came from.
Amidst all the debate there were three items that stood out:
. She was now 30-something (i.e. over 35) did not consider herself to be showing any sign of age (yeah right).
. She had not yet 'met her match in life'. …
. Her experience with men was 'fades out after a few weeks or months'.
The first point was she wasn't some odious dog.
The second point was, where was her promised admirer Mr Right.
The third point was that the poor dear can’t keep a man.
Unfortunately mothers no longer instruct their daughters in the art of keeping a man. The baby-boomers were the last generation to informed on this subject by those mothers who told their daughters that sort of thing,of course they ignored it and what a success they’ve been!
Here she is heading for the big 40 ,she's followed the recipe (..having fun for the sake of it...) and now there's no man, no real satisfaction.Basically she’s been sold a turkey and she isn’t happy. What she really wanted to know, without actually saying it, is how does she get and keep a man. She should have listened to my Grandmother and grabbed a good one before they were all snapped up.
I gathered from the look she gave me and then my partner that she thought my partner was in the same boat and I was just some bizarre, not very successful, project my partner had going, while waiting for Mr Perfect to come along.

2007-03-01T08:32:00.000-08:00

* A man threatening to jump of a multi-storey car park, somewhere in the north of england, was urged by onlookers to jump. The potential jumper was being talked to by the police. A crowd of about 50 people failed their compassion test. Even people in passing cars slowed down to below encouragement to end it all.
I suppose you shouldn't expect anything else from northeners but it has to be said this is another sign that society is fine and dandy as Mr BLair told us to believe (three times) yesterday.
I expect the next thing people will be going up and giving jumpers a helping push or blocking them from climbing back. The jumper didn't jump but climbed back to receive counselling. This is another bizarre tendency in this blighted country. Whenever their is a disaster the media immediately enquire if counsellors are being sent. There you are lying injured on the floor, you hear the whirling of helicopter blades, is it the medics? no thank God its the counsellors! This idiot requirement at any disaster persists even though studies show it is totally useless and can even exasperate victims mental condition.

* Bic Razors. I had need of a razor to shave while visiting a friend as the overnight stay had not been anticipated. My friends female partner offered me one from her bumper bag of BIC plastic razors. Has any male successfully used one of these to shave? The end result was to lacerate my face in numerous places and remove the top layer of skin (i.e. very sore face).
I expressed my intense admiration to my friends partner as she apparently uses nothing else for removing body hair, I similarly extend my admiration to any other females who use this make.

2007-02-28T04:53:00.000-08:00

* Tony Blair jumped into the marriage versus other valid lifestyles debate by saying the problem was not one of marriage but of failing parents, presumably this is Tone's way of alluding to Ms Thatcher's great creation the english underclass. He doesn't refer to it directly for some reason, most likely because its got worse under his watch as has social mobility which is now at a standstill (what can you expect from a thatcherite public school boy who promotes his public school friends like Lord Faulkner a sure fire match for 'Dim but Nice'. However not so dim that he can be pinned down.)
Tony has now found a new rule which is 'anything I say three times is true.' Which is irritating but fails to work on anybody as he is p**sing off soon and won't be staying on as a backbench MP. This is because as soon as he becomes an ex-PM every MP will be able to tell him what they think with impunity.
No news as to whether he's fixed himself up with job or whether he'll have to meander on the speaking circuit earning pots of money.
Listening to the radio I was astonished to hear that Cherie Blair will be giving a Lent talk on radio 4. I suppose she will be covering avarice.

* I have read 'Under the Volcano' (see depressing books below) it is definitely more depressing than 'The Mayor of Casterbridge' in fact it leaves Tom Hardy standing. However, to really appreciate this book you need to have experienced a two week bender on the booze with 'hair of dog' on waking excess. If you are familiar with this scenario then you will know exactly where the main character is. The punchline is indeed devastating. This is a major *** (three star) suicide read. This tale starts at the bottom and slides into the pit, thoroughly recommended and extremely well written.

2007-02-27T03:16:00.000-08:00

* It was announced that an american film producer of the appalling film Titanic has discovered Jesus and Mary Magdalene's tomb. Far from being in France it was in Jerusalem. Finding Jesus's tomb. Mmmmmm , yeah right, what a stroke of luck. It had been overlooked since 1980 until a yank turns up apparently the DNA tests prove it. Mmmmmm what are the odds? I'm convinced how about you?

* Alan Johnson has come up with the astonishing revelation that :
"Parenting has a greater impact on a child's attainment than any other factor - race, class or religion."
The research to back this statement up is not presented, because it doesn't exist. He then goes on to make the truly amazing comment " To claim that society is in 'deep trouble' is not only gross hyperbole, it's also wholly inaccurate." Where the f*** has he been living and he has obviously not been reading my blog. This idiot is the education secretary so I guess that explains the tremendous strides backwards education has been taking.
He then witters on : "The paradox of incentivising different forms of relationships is that it frequently penalises the most vulnerable parents who need it most." ?? What the f*** does that mean?
He then rambles on : "The Married Couples Allowance ,represented the state at its most pernicious and judgemental." No it didn't it, became politically incorrect, and due to changes within society it became an allowance (burden to the treasury) it was easy to stop paying without much political kickback. Just one of many valid lifestyles, etc,etc.
This is new labours response (I assume) to old etonian cameron's support for the traditional family.
None of the research backs f***face johnson in the least, yet still the politically correct crap drops out. He seems to be most concerned that people living valid alternative lifestyles don't get upset. I blame hollywood which started selling the idea of everlasting romantic love, now there's an idea that can disappoint everybody.

2007-02-26T07:06:00.000-08:00

* I was listening to some CD's good old Uncle Dave lent me. If you have any interest in hearing decent fingerpicking acoustic guitar then check out Davy Graham and Bert Jansch. Bert Jansch's early stuff is available on very reasonable priced CD's with two albums per CD. It's amazing. Davy Graham check-out Folk Blues and Beyond. This stuff is so good it makes you either get your guitar out or decide to give up.
This is a major recommendation go on do you ears a favour.

* On the home front the amount of debt getting written is impressively large, unsecured debt this is. After detailing bankruptcies, IVA's and debt stress (what the f**k is debt stress, I hear you ask) this is where you can only afford to pay off the minimum amount and therefore, if things don't pick up for you, you'll be in debt for the rest of your life. Obviously inflation should see it dwindle a bit.
These articles in the news papers are always accompanied by a supposed real life case where the name is changed to spare blushes. The example I read had run up £30,000 on credit cards (unsecured debt) and couldn't get another credit card !!.
I was encouraged to feel sympathy for this person as a victim of ruthless encouragement to shop by the banks. Of course we can't expect anyone to take responsibility for their retail therapy and we can only shake our heads at this poor victim of irresponsible bank lending.
What I wanted to know is what the **** they spent it on. I mean £30,000 worth of what? Was it shrewd antique purchases that they could cash in , I guess not. What did they think they were doing after they saw the repayments and interest on £20,00 grand did they think 'Oh I can stand a bit more of that? My attitude is well you stupid ****** tough s***, or am I being too hard? Here I am paying my debts and these people are getting IVA's writing off 60% of the debt. Whose the mug I wonder?

2007-02-24T05:03:00.000-08:00

* Finally got my Blog for Amusing sub-titles to 19th Century pictures and original JS pictures up and running a link is available in the side panel.

* Tony 'I apologise for slavery' Blair when questioned about the complete f***-up in Iraq came up with the following piece of bollocks :
The principal reason you've got a problem is, as I say, because there are elements deliberately giving you that problem."
Excuse me but what kind of statement is that?
We have a problem which is people are deliberately blowing things up the reason for this is people are deliberately blowing things up!
Good old nothing to do with me Blair who is no longer blowing things up in Iraq.
Nobody will ask him the relevant question which is, Didn't you get involved in Iraq because you like kissing American Arse? The answer which is yes he does.

---------------Great British achievements : ---------------
* Pregnancy in young women :
Office for National Statistics figures reveal 70.9 per 1,000 girls aged 15-17 in deprived areas conceive compared with 16.2 per 1,000 in richer areas. The difference was even greater when just under-16s were considered,
* Kill a Brit rates :
In the least deprived areas, 71% of pregnancies in under-18s end in abortion, compared with 39% in the most deprived. Among girls under 16, the proportions were 77% and 50%.
* Pregnancy Bollocks :
"Teenage pregnancy is a complex social issue requiring long-term strategic solutions.
Obviously what is needed here is an investigation into the high rates of rape, incest and ill-health (the conditions under which abortion is allowed) among those living in richer areas. Despite years of sex education and contraceptive advice young women are having children because they believe this way they can get what they want, which is, to love and recieve love.

*Booze Britain
* The latest data show alcohol-related deaths in the UK have doubled in the past 15 years. Hey great going.
* Booze Bollocks:
We are also working closely with alcohol drinks industry and non-industry stakeholders on promoting more responsible drinking and preventing alcohol misuse.
Yeah right thats why booze has never been cheaper. Another great legacy for Mr bollocks Blair and the other assholes in his cabinet.
-----------------------------

*Why are they here?
The Muslim Council of Britain (MCB) issued new guidelines for schools. This lists numerous points at which seperate provision should be provided for Muslim children.
On reading these points I can't help wondering why they have moved to this country. It is obvious that the indigenous culture is basically inimical to Muslim teaching. So what was the big attraction? I've yet to hear any Muslim explain the percieved advantage of moving to Britain instead of one of the many Islamic paradises in countries throughout the world.

2007-02-21T03:39:00.000-08:00

* Had a look at the stats and they're more depressing than 'The Mayor of Casterbridge' and probably 'Madam Bovary'. All this wit and penetrating analysis is being read by about 8 people. One of which might be me if 'view blog' registers a click.
Mentioning this to some friends they told me I needed to post some naked tottie as this will up the hits with a suitable label, 'Hot Babe' was considered to be the most enticing. Unfortunately none of my female acquaintances was willing to be photographed naked even when I offered to post them with a black oblong over the face. This is not the sporting attitude that is likely to pick up hits for this blog.
I have had further suggestions for depressing books but most of these seemed to be based on the sense of futile wasted time that came on reaching the end. A bit like writing daily entries for this blog in fact.

2007-02-20T03:47:00.000-08:00

* I got a email that said, " If you think the 'Mayor of Casterbridge' is depressing you must be a real wimp who takes a box of tissues to the cinema. A really depressing read which can cause clinical depression is 'Under the Volcano' by Malcom Lowry. This book has a killer punchline and should be read in one sitting allowing some time for sleep obviously. Warning - do not watch the film it is total crap."
Well thanks for the abusive recommendation I'll give it a go and report back.
On the same lines an aquaintance suggested 'Madame Bovary' by some frog called Gustave Flaubert was much more depressing. Another book that doesn't exactly have a gripping title, that definitely sounds like chic-lit but apparently it isn't.

I'm definitely going to read these books and compose a list of novels called 'Suicide Books'. These books will be rated as follows:
*** three stars - I feel like I stumbled into a dark cold place from which there is no way out. I'm going to board up the windows, rain, sirens in the night.
** two stars - Why do I bother getting up, I'm never going to work again,life is so pointless and bleak.
* one star - I think I'll curl up in a ball and take a week off work.
I guess the 'Mayor of Casterbridge' will be lucky to get one star.

* The news was that the tories are ahead of labour in the polls, no surprise there. What is surprising is that according to the pundits Tony Baloney is a deeply religious man. This has to be regarded in the light of the fact that in england anyone who knows where their local church is would be regarded as religious. Tone is I understand church of england but attends mass at an RC church with his wife. Considering the actions taken by his government he is definitely C of E, As I have said before, the C of E is 'so much milksop and water as to affect neither a mans politics nor his pastimes.' Which sums Tony up.
His wife is often described as a devout Catholic which is bizarre if you have ever heard her opinions on the Roman Catholic church's attitude to married priests, women priests, gay marriages. Obviously not a great believer in the Magesterium of the RC church. Like many english catholics she is infact a protestant but for sentimental reasons persists in attending mass. One reason that has been suggested is that it enables her children to attend the best school in her area which is an RC school.
It has been suggested that once he has ceased to be prime minister (an event devoutly to be wished) he will join the RC church. This must send shudders thru the already crumbling english RC church as it ponders the ever dwindling number of english believers. One can almost hear the cries of 'Hoorah for the Poles' issuing from the realms of westminster.

All this is made more puzzling by the fate of the Mental Health bill where we read: In the first government defeat, the Lords voted to rule out using sexuality, criminality and cultural or religious beliefs as grounds for diagnosing a mental disorder!!!

2007-02-19T02:48:00.000-08:00

* Tony bollocks Blair announced his solution to the gun culture which was to reduce the age you can be sentenced for carrying a gun to 17 yrs old. That'll do it Tony. How the nation laughed. He also announced that this was not a knee jerk reaction to recent killings but something that he had been thinking about for 2 weeks! Wow! This must be based on the 'a week is a long time in politics' adage and 2 weeks is obviously an age in politics. It wasn't a knee jerk reaction it was a reaction from a jerk.
I decided to go to the source of wisdom and rang up Uncle Dave after asking how his medicinal herb garden was doing, apparently flowering very nicely, I asked his thoughts on the latest american import 'gangsters with guns'.
Uncle Dave asked if I was familiar with the saying,'When the going gets tough the tough get going.' It rang a bell but I wasn't too sure where I heard it. Well says Dave that's just a nice sounding sticker slogan, the correct and truer slogan is
'When the going gets tough, everybody goes back to the tribe.' According to Uncle Dave the trouble started when Mrs Thatcher decided to create an disenfranchised underclass who everybody could forget about. This brought about the conditions that generated the current antisocial value system held by the underclass. In these conditions everbody goes back to the tribe. This descends as far as families but in current society this structure is being broken down. So who is my tribe well its my colour then its my area then its my friends or gang, families don't apply because they don't exist, that's the way to get along.
And the cure? I asked. Dave was pessimistic (isn't he always) once the value system is in place it is hard to change, once the tribe is identified no one thinks they're a whiteman with a heavy tan.

2007-02-17T02:39:00.000-08:00

* Much head shaking and cant about gang culture has hit the airwaves here in all aboard england. We can tell the baby-boomers in the government have lost it, how so you ask, as soon as you hear the phrase "ordinary decent hardworking people of britain' you know the seams of the kings invisible garments are coming apart. If I was a tory, which I ain't, now's the time for going in with a big stick.
Here in england we have a valueless society, it's worth f*ck all and it has no set of values thanks to the politically correct assholes. Its just a morass of drifting meaningless pseudo-values represented phrases such as 'multicultural', inclusive', 'tolerance' over seen by the thought police. Tony baloney blair and his idiot confederates have speeded us along, valueless GCSE's, valueless A'levels, and a fair smattering of valueless Degrees.
Some poor liberal councillor who suggested that as well as 1 and 2 bedroom flats that they should build 3 and 4 bedroom homes for families was accused of heterosexism by the thought police!! This suggestion apparently is not 'inclusive'!! Come-on.
Some mindless committee on BBC parliament spent hours quizzing the Press complaint committee about the press using the phrase 'illegal asylum seeker' the use of which they thought could damage community relations.
I wouldn't be surprised if one of Blair's legacies is a BNP MP.
Never has so much pratting about by a government ended up so laughably.

* I must admit I'm getting bored with berating the idiocies of SS Great Britain its so obvious were doomed its not worth saying. I was feeling very depressed a while back when a so called friend suggested I read 'The Mayor of Casterbridge', lets face it that's not a winning title is it? sounds like some father with three daughters and errant son. My friend assured me the title was misleading, 'That'll cheer you up' she said, and kindly lent me a copy.
Bloody hell, I could have hung myself. Do not read this book when depressed probably the mania phase of manic depression would be best.
This book starts on a low, jumps to a high then slowly descends to the bottom of the pit. Thomas Hardy must have been a barrel of laughs to be around. He sure knows how to f*** over the main character in his book. The idiosyncrasies of character meets the contingencies of life. The feeble flame he ends with is that some poor sod remembered a good deed the ex-mayor once did. But beware, once started into, this tale gets a real grip as unfortunately it is extremely well written.
If you are thinking of committing suicide and are just looking for the final push, this is the book for you.

2007-02-16T02:46:00.000-08:00

* The leader of the conservative party shocked the nation with the politically incorrect suggestion that fathers should be compelled to take responsibility for the children they sire. Not only that but the old dinosaur says :
"I believe in marriage. I believe in people making a commitment to each other and staying together and trying to bring up their children properly. We have got to sit up and realise we are running things by the wrong values. We need to support families."

Where's Cameron been living since 1980? This is a very politically incorrect statement from the new leader. Does he not realise how much hurt he will be causing to gay couples, single parent families, divorcees, men dumping their trophy wives and anyone who would be financially less well off as a result of such a measure, by these cruel comments. We have spent years emphasising the validity of alternate lifestyles and the fact children require working mothers and fathers not some nuclear family supported by an homogeneous community.
These comments will only give rise to more articles in the Observer (the sunday paper which actively promotes astrology) featuring upper middle class extended families, where the children are happy as larry and their parents divorce was the best thing that ever happened to them. Such awful articles re-appearing in the Observer magazine alone should have made him think again.
The emergence of gun toting gangs with cool names such as 'One Chance' shows how well Mr Blair's plans to adopt all things American are going, another great legacy for the arse-kisser. 'Dis me dis my gang' as the vibrant English youth culture says.

Recent New Labour social policy has been pursued on the 'apple barrel' theory of human behaviour. (this relates to the days when people would store apples for winter consumption in a barrel).
. The incorrect theory states 'One bad apple spoils the barrel'. This resulted from the observation if you didn't select apples carefully and put a bruised one in, come january there were hardly any eatable apples left.
. The correct theory states 'Lots of good apples cure the bad apples'. This results from the observation that a few bruised apples don't matter as when you open the barrel in january every one is an eater.

If and when I have children I don't intend to fulfill Cameron's expectation by hanging around and watching them grow up, what the hell are creches and schools for?

2007-02-15T06:55:00.000-08:00

* Against my better judgement I decided to watch the Brit Pop Awards, the end result being the feeling I might have been over zealous in slagging off the baby-boomers.
Russel Brand - is there any point to this incredible prat, I understood he was supposed to be a comedian, did anyone laugh at anything he said? The asshole's dialog resembled that of a 12yr old boy who has read his first hardcore porn novel and can't stop repeating all the new words he's learnt. I suppose the cokehead impersonator thinks he's being provocative, the sad f*ck. Well he's provoked me get the sad bastard off the TV, if that's the best he can do, why not drag in some foulmouthed drunk off the street that would be more entertaining.
In addition to sad bastard Brand we had a long series of sad bastards from the pop world who basically were the least appalling of the utter banal unoriginal crap that got nominated. We were encouraged to feel sorry for Robbie Williams whose gone into 'rehab' well dearie me the rich sad bastard can't cope with prescription drugs and has checked into the equivalent of the Dorchester hotel for a bit of very expensive sympathy, oh dear. Going into 'rehab' is all the rage, badge of honour, for a bunch of sad f*ckers who can't hack it. This has been a growing phenomenon amongst the pop fraternity, first everyone had had a drink problem, then a drug problem, then they had been abused, now they're rushing to rehab. Everybody else has to wrap themselves in blankets and sweat out the excess while drinking numerous cups of tea, over two to four days.
So your a sad f*** who can't cope with life, tough shit and f*** off Brand you talentless t**t.

2007-02-14T03:59:00.000-08:00

* A much publicised Unicef report shows that Britain beat 20 other top economy countries in the 'worst country to be young in' competition, beating the USA into second place. Eat your heart out young America, we're top of the crap heap now.
What were the results you're probably wondering (after two terms of new thatcherite labour) I can reveal the positions as follows :
1. UNITED KINGDOM - the biggest dung heap !!!
2. United States
3. Hungary
4. Austria
5. Portugal
6. France
7. Czech Republic
8. Poland
9. Greece
10. Canada
11. Germany
12. Belgium
13. Republic of Ireland
14. Italy
15. Norway
16. Switzerland
17. Spain
18. Finland
19. Denmark
20. Sweden
21. Netherlands - in the place of shame, a land full of happy youngsters.

UK Highlights include
* Top by miles in 'Risk behaviours' which includes Smoking, Drunkenness, Spliffs, Fighting, Bullying, Shagging.
* UK child poverty has doubled since 1979 (all credit to mrs Thatcher)
* Most children living in homes earning less than half national average wage
* Most children who admit being drunk on two or more occasions
* Least "kind and helpful" peers (backing the english adage "you can rely on friends they'll always let you down.")
On this last point some vicar did raise the point that when asked the question,'Do you find your peers kind and helpful?' The majority of youngsters wouldn't have a clue whats 'peers' were. Now you might think that they would respond with 'What the f*ck are peers?', but this is england and they will have already learnt 'if in doubt say No' and automatically replied, 'No way'.

I think that this affirmation of today's britain a fitting legacy for bollocks Blair when he leaves office, along with an (recently announced) average house price of £200,000, which the average punter has no chance of buying.
This only goes to show what you can achieve with a bunch of sad politically correct baby-boomers in charge. Lets face it the rich have got richer, the poor have got poorer and the country is full of immigrants who actually want to live here! It's a winning formula for a winning team SS Great Britain.

2007-02-13T03:28:00.000-08:00

* Stats show one person visited blog, hope this wasn't me hitting view blog.

* Another case of 'kill me doctor' has arisen with much publicity from the media. Its is difficult to work out exactly whats going on here as the woman involved is not exactly on her back attached to life support. The BBC announced she was in extreme pain yet the interview hardly seemed to back this up. It appeared (?) that her blood did not provide enough oxygen which gave her headaches, stomach pain, etc. She complained she could no longer go horse riding and on holiday had to sit on the beach and couldn't swim. She attempted suicide 5 years ago with paracetamol and also later tried to starve herself to death (!). Where the hell did she get the latter idea from, of all the methods of committing suicide starving yourself to death must rank as the least recommended and least likely to be successful.
Yet again we have the apparent inability of people to kill themselves and want someone else to do it for them. A bit of research on her behalf should come up with something better than starving to death. This increasing syndrome in england of refusing to accept responsibility for yourself and decisions seems never ending.
She was most concerned at looking at peace when her husband saw her dead, that's what undertakers are for. If she is in extreme pain she should have a bottle full of mega-strong painkillers, taking all those will do it, you don't need to nip to the chemists for paracetamol.
Next thing people will be wanting pre-suicide counselling to decide whether or not to step into the big dark. I look forward to watching this one proceed as they pursuing her desired method of starving and dehydrating to death while unconscious on a continuous morphine drip. Anybody know if this method results in an aesthetically pleasing end?

* Just thought I'd mention that england has succumbed to turkey flu insanity in the never ending saga of (todate) the least threatening disease in the world 'bird flu' having killed only 150 people, this is a pathetic total compared to ordinary everyday human flu. The media have really lost it bbc coke standard style. I would like to apologise on my own behalf to the peoples of Hungary. It must be hard for them to understand that the english exist in a neurotic phantasy state.

2007-02-12T04:25:00.000-08:00

* Global warming political correctness is beginning to grow the big finger is being pointed at people who have the gall to be concerned about global warming and fly by jet. Some american whose name escaped me got criticised for the size of the jet she used. If you want to fly its best to wear a 'F*** The Earth' T-shirt and then no criticism can be leveled against you.
No one seems to have pointed out that the reason we have so much waste and pollution is because of the full embrace of the much applauded Capitalist system. If global warming and the crap to put in landfills is to be reduced you have to grasp the unpopular mettle and suggest that most of the landfill is marketing wrappings and production waste. It looks to me now China and India are embracing unbridled capitalism the chances of stopping the great steam roller to hell has no chance.
Once you've given the kiddies their toys their just gonna want more and are gonna scream if you take them away. The measure of a man being his conspicuous consumption above and beyond his neighbour any change is going to produce more mental instability than the current system is causing, and that's a lot.
Consume, copulate, reproduce late, don't age and make sure you die with the biggest capital turnover, now that's a satisfying prescription for the full life.

2007-02-10T11:58:00.000-08:00

* I've decided to put stats on, this took a bit of messing about. I'm still suspicious about the comment name tags 'Emily Bronte' and 'Windinhair' these may well be friends playing a little game. They know I think 'Shirley' by Charlotte Bronte is one of the most underrated of books and that I regard 'Wuthering Heights', the cuckoo in the nest with minimalist cast of characters and outlaws in death as a great surrealist book, despite their deriding both as chick lit. I therefore suspect a windup coming. Still might as well take the advice and check stats.
If I get any hits I'll put back deleted blog entries. I print them off and send them to Uncle Dave.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

* Channel 4 had a much advertised program about children's ballroom dancing. This program seemed to be part of channel 4's catering for minorities, we've had programs for homosexuals, programs for lesbians and now it looked like paedophiles were getting a program. I must admit I didn't watch it all the way thru after a scene with a brother and sister on a bed I got the feeling I was watching something that wasn't very healthy. I don't know who the editor was but he had lots of shots of prepubescent girls with adult make up dressed in skimpy clothing. It did have a bit of direction at pushy parents. It also gave paedophiles a tip , not surprisingly there is a shortage of boy ballroom dancers so if you have a boy dancer you can take your pick. Don't be surprised if larger audiences turn up for these events. If I was the police I'd have a look at the production team but then maybe it's just me who felt uncomfortable.

Talking of disturbing images Skythree had a program on spontaneous combustion fronted by some old heavy metal singer. In the process of investigating if severe flatulence could be the cause of bursting into flame the frontman produced a scantily dressed female rubber sex doll which was filled with bags of gas. These were ignited and we all watched as flames shot out of the rubber dolls corresponding genital area then we watched as the doll was slowly consumed by flames. If I was a feminist I might be a little worried about the psychology behind this image, but then again maybe its all good boy fun.

The current concern with young women and body image is a bit puzzling as it appears to be a female generated problem where this obsessive body image change is a perception by females of other females and totally unrelated to any male/female dynamic. These women are not concerned with how males will perceive them as any look at male magazines or such sites as Met-Art models shows that female admired body shapes are absent. Lets face it when women buy fashion they are not getting it because they think their boyfriend will like the new look, they are getting it to signal messages to other females. So what message is concentration camp chic?

Labels: Channel 4 - doubtful envelope and bodysize
Deleted Entries

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

* The government has decided that in addition to tackling booze Britain by allowing 24 hr opening and never increasing the tax on alcohol, a demonstrable counter-intuitive move that has completely failed to provide the desired 'continental low consumption cafe style' culture, it is to tackle problem gambling by allowing more and bigger casinos with more and bigger jackpot fruit machines, another counter-intuitive move which will undoubtedly be the great success the rest of its idiot initiatives have been. How did so many useless fuckwits manage to get themselves elected and into ministerial positions. Here's hoping the whole cabinet and ex-cabinet ministers are prosecuted for selling honours.
These honours, of course, can get you membership of that other great 'bollocks Blair' legacy and success the House of Lords. It doesn't get much mention but what the fuck is the House of Lords now? It appears to be a body of government purely for the purposes of Prime-Ministerial largess. In other words its another fucking quango keeping executive power away from the people. Oh fuck these idiots have 4 years left!

* I decided to ring-up Uncle Dave to ask him how much he's been robbing off Grannie.
His long time partner told me he was very depressed and didn't want to talk to anyone. I know what that's about, it's his medicinal herb garden. He's run out of herbal remedy and is still waiting for the medicinal herbs to flower. He does this everytime by under estimating how ill he is then using up the medicine before he can replenish his store.
Not one to be put off I decided to drive over and visit. Uncle Dave was under-whelmed to see me. He was not in the least amused when I asked how much he was ripping granny off for, infact he was very rude. After he had calmed down I asked him how come the 'love and peace' generation were acting in this way. Uncle Dave was not surprised and far from launching a sterling defence he rather agreed with me that they were an envious and avaricious generation. No rudder, no anchor and nowhere to go, was Dave's verdict.
I checked up on his medicinal garden and decided to make another visit in a month's time. He should be in a much mellower and more agreeable mood by then. As I left Dave shouted, 'Don't forget your our children, be very afraid.' I wonder what he could have meant.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

* Thieving, robbing bastards - Some people have reacted to my balanced comments on worthless, useless baby-boomers, saying I have been over egging it a bit. Well skeptical readers a new report on the treatment of the elderly has shown that in 53% of cases its the ungrateful baby-boomer children who are robbing gran and granddad blind. I quote the following grabbed from the BBC website:
"Some 53% of theft, fraud and deception cases were blamed on the children of the victims. Most of the victims were women in their 80s or above and, in most cases, it was sons or daughters who were accused of trying to steal, defraud or coerce money from their elderly parents.".
This included stealing the house from under gran's feet and selling it off for the cash. If only these old people had read my blog they could have at least been prepared. This does not surprise anyone as avarice is an extolled virtue in this country where everybody is a productive unit. Lets face it Gran is not producing wealth for the nation and is thus an incredible burden on the country. "A holiday in Switzerland Mum is just what you need".
The worthless and useless boomers now running the country have decided one parent families staying at home to bring up the kids is a terrible burden on the country, they should be producing wealth and uncontrollable children instead.
Blair the boomer is supposed to be worried about his legacy! f*ck me, what legacy other than constantly passing bad law, Iraq and kissing American ass. 'Blair the ass-kisser' history will remember, if the human race lasts long enough to give him a paragraph.

Racist Joke - well it made me laugh.
Three naked men are sat in a sauna, an American, a Japanese and an Irishman. They hear a beeping sound, the American touches his arm and says, "that's my pager, I have a microchip under my skin." Next a ringtone sounds, the Japenese man lifts his palm to his ear and says, "I have a microchip in my hand." The Irishman is now feeling very low-tech, gets up goes to the toilet and comes back with toilet paper hanging from his arse. He says, "Oh Bjaybus, would you look at that, I'm getting a fax".

* BBC2 broadcast a documentary on Tchaikovsky. This was a dramatised biography. What important moments in his life did we see? Well, Young tchaikovsky crying on stairs. Tchaikovsky making eyes at 19 yr old lover (who committed suicide, no one knows why).
Tchaikovsky presents music to his seniors who slam it, but he refuses to change it (music is a big success). Tchaikovsky enjoying the St petersburg gay scene. Tchaikovsky getting a blowjob in the bushes despite chance to roger cossak. Tchaikovsky in restaurant getting advised by russian prince to trawl villages for roughtrade. Then Tchaickovsky (same scene) gets a tongue lashing from homophobic member of public. Tchaikovsky in poolroom with gay friends announcing intention to marry as he ia worried about rumours. Friend leaves in tizz. Tchaikovsky accused of denying true nature. (No mention he will be ruining some woman's life). Tchaikovsky in russian bath house with lover and mystery man. Tchaikovsky at a dance where woman makes fatal mistake of writing to him about her admiration for him. All these essential scenes explain his exquisite music.

* The Book club. Continuing my foray into literary criticism I decide to watch the book club on Skythree. This is presented by Mariella Frostrop the thinking man's ex-wife. The program was more a Mariella gets together with two women writers for a girls chat than a book program. The first writer had written a book on helen of troy, the writer herself, Mariella informed us, is found threatening by men as she is a looker and wears jeans. I've no idea what the book might contain as they mainly discussed how threatening men found Helen of Troy and then heaped the blame for the Trojan War on her. Much girl social stroking then took place. The next writer had written a novel. I've no idea what the book was about but her books in general contain characters who are feminist icons and the type of women men find threatening. They also contain lots of raunchy sex. Lots of girl social stroking then took place. Then the two females recommended books. One was the Illiad, if you didn't know what the books about you will be non-the-wiser after watching the book club. The raunchy books writer recommend Moll Flanders because its raunchy. I must admit I can't remember the other books as I was distracted by the mutual admiration going on between them. Tune in next week for more successful London women type social stroking.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

* Crap books I have read. I thought I would follow up my new career as a 'rather after the event' book reviewer with other books I had the misfortune to buy in the hope of a bit of literary entertainment.
I should warn you off any book by A. N. Wilson. I've never finished one, well before the end I've heaved the book across the room and spent a wasted few minutes wondering why it ever got written. I suspect Mr Wilson has far too much time on his hands. He's also a one trick pony, sooner or later, 'b*gg*r me, its another Anglo-Catholic'. That's all there is to say about this scribbler.

Friday, January 26, 2007

* Saturday by Ian McEwan - I was passing a bookshop and I thought I'll get myself something to read. I browsed around, normally I don't read modern literature as I find it the short route to never ever finishing a book. J G Ballard excepted, he is always entertaining. Having read 'Atonement' by Ian McEwan and found it engrossing I decided to risk another 'Saturday, No 1 Bestseller'. Normally Being a bestseller automatically scrubs a book from my list of possibles. The cover described it as 'Dazzling,profound and urgent', the quote was from the Sunday newspaper the Observer (the rational paper that promotes astrology) so I should have known better. The book should be sub-titled 'How to bluff your way in brain surgery' or neurosurgery, the correct term as the book points out (I've been talking neurosurgery speak all day). Obviously my ability to appreciate literature could be so low that I was out of my depth, however, the 'profound and urgent' tag was lost on me.
The book reads like it was written for baby-boomers at the tail end of the boom. So whats it about, well its a day in the life of a brain surgeon approaching the big 50. This guys family are the perfect guardian reader family. Our hero is a highly intelligent brain surgeon with successful lawyer wife who works for a newspaper. They have highly talented children, a boy whose a fantastic blues guitarist who has met all the 60's brit blues legends and is going to work in america with his great band, a girl who is at Oxford, has won a prestigious oxford prize for poetry, and is about to become a published poet. His wife's father is a famous, lives in france prickly old famous poet. They live in a big house in the centre of London. You can just hear the baby-boomers starting to drool.
Big surprise, he still fancies his wife and is the only brilliant english surgeon who hasn't been and never wanted to have affairs (fairytale time or what) also he isn't divorced and although approaching 50 isn't planning to dump his wife for a newer model.
It all takes place on the day of the anti-Iraq war march.
He gets up, thinks he might have seen a terrorist manned plane, has sex with his wife, goes to play squash with an anaesthetist yank, has a slight car bump with a car full of lowlifes, one of which has an incurable genetic disease that will f*ck his brain up, nearly gets beat up except his ability to spot genetic diseases of the nervous system enables him to wriggle out of a good thrashing, has the game of squash but is duped out of a win by the Yank, goes and buys some fish, goes and sees his mother who was a successful swimmer, but now has alzhiemers and doesn't know her arse from her elbow, goes home and cooks up seafood platter, see's his son perform a new song which is a really good song, goes home to great the attractive daughter with the manuscript of her book, argues with her about the war, his famous father-in-law arrives, his son arrives, his wife arrives unwillingly accompanied by two lowlifes. The genetic disorder lowlife waves a knife about, gives granddad a broken nose, makes the daughter strip off with intention to rape, on stripping all can see she is three months pregnant, genetic disorder lowlife spots manuscript of poetry, makes her read one, granddad hints she should recite mathew arnold, lowlife is overcome with beauty of poem and makes her read/recite again (yeah right), forgets about rape and takes up docs offer of treatment for the disorder that the doc made up because their is no treatment, so upto the docs study the two of them go, other lowlife leaves, son runs upstairs, lowlife gets thrown down stairs. Ambulance comes, police come, hospital rings need doc to operate on lowlife, doc goes in saves lowlifes life, goes home discovers father of daughter is Italian archaeologist who has place on prestigious dig, chats with wife, goes to sleep, wakes up looks out window sees plane.
All this is padded with descriptions of neurosurgery and events from the past.
Only thing missing was they learn they had a big win on the lottery. The last phrase should have been "they lived happily ever after".
Still I was always uncomfortable with realism and profound metaphors.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

* The Catholic adoption service is not going to be given an exemption from placing children with Gay (male/female) couples. There is talk of giving the Catholic adoption service a three year (or other amount of time) 'come to terms with it' period. This is bloody silly idea, are they expecting Catholic theologians to suddenly change their minds. Oh! the british are right we've been wrong for 2000 years.
Rather surprisingly, given the number of gay clergy, the church of England has backed the Roman Catholic Church in its stance on adoption. Whether the Catholic church was comforted or alarmed by this, I do not know.
Interestingly a friend tells me (I'm assuming he's right) that in St Pauls epistles where a list of various behaviours that are unacceptable are given the Greek term translated as homosexuals is actually the term 'butt-fuckers', I don't know where that leaves lesbians then?
On the radio a gay commentator told us that the Catholic church is worse than the Klu Klux Klan! This means Opus Dei must have more clout than we thought. I have read nothing in the papers about gays being burnt alive in their houses nor had I heard of gays mutilated bodies found hanging from trees. I will be writing to my MP to demand he stand up in the House and expose these homicidal goings on.

* As it is now obvious that the public support the Gay community, isn't it time to bring back the amendment to the Gay discrimination bill to allow sexual activity in public toilets. The failure to include this in the bill has meant lots of shivering in public parks. This would also save Debenhams from sending in a female cleaner everytime a member of the public complains that the men's toilets are full of males all hanging about outside of the cubicles. How people can say they find this threatening or it makes them uncomfortable when they are referred to as 'love', I cannot understand. Nobody ever makes any comment when heterosexual couples stream out of the cubicles while they are admiring the porcelain.

* Trophy Wives.
Another item of interest in the land of the politically correct is that men are now dumping their 'trophy wives' i.e. Lookers who stay at home warming the bed. They are replacing them with women who have a substantial incomes of their own. Why is this? you are probably wondering, apparently it's because they have more in common with high powered business women and can communicate their anxieties and problems and get support!
Yeah, right. A more likely explanation is that after the novelty of humping a stunner and making their friends envious has worn off, they come home from work and are confronted by someone who wants some attention, wants to go out on the town, wants to talk, wants to please him with a s**g. They instead want to have a single malt and sit infront of their media centre. Knowing that the looker wife will grab a fair portion of the available income, they are looking for additional funding. Now to his relief they are both knackered when he gets home, no need for any conversation and he can go back to having an understanding mistress who he only has to see when he can be bothered.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

* The big item in the news was the Roman Catholic Church Adoption Agency. This was portrayed as a threat by the church to close down their adoption agencies if providing a service for gay couples was forced upon them. As this was a more provocative headline than the actual position it was persisted by the BBC with an occasional explanation that in fact as the church could not provide their service to gay couples then they would receive no public funding and therefore would have to close.
The main point was that the RC church places 40% of disabled and difficult children for adoption, but only 4% of all adoptions. Unfortunately the church believes a family to consist of a male and female plus x number of children.
A gay rights representative came on and astonished us by telling us lots of gay couples look after just these type of children. It seemed then a no-brainer the gay community can take up the slack if the 40% placement by the RC church disappears. In order to provide a response a couple of old gays (male) were wheeled on, they were apparently too old to adopt. The exchanges were uninteresting until the old queen suddenly announced that coming from a Scottish Presbyterian background he had reservations about the Catholic church and sexual behaviour. Unfortunately he was cut short so we found out no more. Why this fascinating insight was not pursued is a mystery. What is it Scottish Presbyterians know?
It appears that thinking the gay sub-culture is no place for children is politically incorrect which puts the gay male who expressed this opinion to me in an amusing position, being against gay adoption himself on this basis. Obviously a good candidate for re-education by the police.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

* If you want a good site to pick up freeware progs that are worth downloading why not visit http://fileforum.betanews.com/

* Order or rather lack of in schools. A video of an asian school teacher trying to control a class of pupils was put on the net and generally condemned for racist abuse. The fact that the class was obviously out of control received little comment. It seems to me that its time to divorce teaching from discipline. A teacher is not a stand in parent whose job is to modify the behaviour of pupils.
The job of discipline should be the responsibility of a separate group of employees in the school. In the case of order breaking down the teacher should merely press a button to call employees responsible for order, point out the pupils concerned and have them removed. The idiots concerned can be taken to a separate area.
The teacher can get on with the job of teaching.
Ever since the idiot liberals got their hands on schools nothing but increasing chaos and failure has resulted. The public now expects the schools to raise their children, if the little f**kers can't behave they should be just handed back to the parent/s where ever they happen to be e.g. at their place of work, at home, etc.

Monday, January 22, 2007

* On and on it runs the big brother racist or not saga. Now they want channel 4's franchise revoked, not because of the utter dross they broadcast, but because they didn't intervene soon enough, comment enough, broadcast an apology to the world or some other similar reason. We are talking about Ms Goody here a bear of very little brain. Unfortunately she is now a being subject to the English sport of kick the celeb', never a pretty sight.
I did learn something new though, someone who had previously been on big brother said she'd been a victim of 'evasive racism'. What? What the f*ck is evasive racism I thought. Needless to say this appears to have originated amongst the politically correct in the USA. This form of racism is worse than the old racism. This is where your a racist but don't let on to anyone or only to a small number of like minded evasive racists.
In the old days racists would use terms such as wog, wop, kike, dago, etc which enabled you to identify them and deal with the problem, but now the sneaky bastards aren't letting on so nobody knows who they are. Obviously we need the thought police to look into this new brand of racism and expose them. 'Are you or have you ever been an evasive racist?' seems the right question.

The ludicrous baby-boomers running this country with there idiotic laws against opinions are in need of a good turfing-out. The idiotic fatuous bastards.

In order to wind up the thought police I have printed a T-shirt up with the following slogan on it. Why not copy the image size it up and wear it yourself.
If asked, 'What is it you can't say?', reply 'I'll have to think about that one.'
If asked 'What are you thinking?', reply 'I'd rather not say.' I find it evokes interesting responses where ever I go.

2007-02-08T03:54:00.000-08:00

* Well I guess no one reads this blog as have had zero comments.
Will occasionally post images.
England is sinking people bon voyage.

* Can't be arsed to delete any more posts, there are more images below
and in the archives.

2007-01-20T05:03:00.000-08:00

* Big Brother hysteria was still running wild across the dreary landscape of boring Britain. Great rejoicing when Jaded Goody got the boot from the house of shame. On exiting from the house she was greeted by nobody but some big brother presenter who gave her a mild telling off infront of a selected audience. Disgraced Jade was shown video clips of her hissyfit in the house. That not me was the dim ones response I'm not like that. It seemed unfair to have half the country on her back as half the country was responsible for her creation. Jade didn't create Jade the morons who seem to be entertained by pictures and stories about non-entities with a high attention seeking quotient are responsible.
In today's no blame England of course no one is to blame for anything its, always someone else's fault. If I can't walk down the street without tripping over then its the councils fault, etc, etc.
Much argument as to whether the Jaded one was racist took place, everyone took it very seriously. Being a racist is almost as bad as being a paedophile in relative value Britain. A racist paedophile must be the worst human being England can conceive of. Come to think of it, I suppose a racist, paedophile, unexploded terrorist who deliberately infects people with HIV and performs female circumcisn is the lowest of the low.
Though I'm not sure as this is multicultural Britain so I am uncertain as to what cultural traditions are outside the box for acceptable behavioural imports.
Now the English can indulge in the favourite pastime of public vilification of a fallen celebrity.

2007-01-19T05:26:00.000-08:00

* Big brother celeb is still grabbing all the attention on the news, it's good to know the really important issues are getting an airing. This time its sponser withdraws and 'come on Channel 4 explain yourself'. Its almost reached frenzy proportions. This seems somewhat amazing considering the only purpose of big brother is to try and get two people to have sexual intercourse in the big brother house. Anyway channel 4 said it was a clash of cultures and class. This is correct the bollywood star comes from an ancient culture and has loads of class. The three boneheads causing all the comment have absolutely no class, in fact they have a negative class rating. The only culture they're likely to have is at the bottom of the milk cartons in their fridges that they haven't got round to throwing out yet. At least we got to see what a ranter jade is. I wouldn't want to be the one who spilt her drink down the boozer.
Apparently some store with drew her perfume (perfume!!!) you mean someone somewhere wants to buy a perfume jade would wear?
I should imagine this is the first time the gorgeous bollywood star has met anyone like the three witches from MacBeth stirring their cauldron in the corner of the house. She will probably need treatment for culture shock when she eventually leaves the program. She should contact me immediately so I can counsel her over dinner and drinks.

2007-01-18T03:04:00.000-08:00

* England looses it completely. The news is dominated by the big brother celeb house racist or not controversy. Record numbers of dumbys email in to complain about the show whose ratings go through the roof. The Channel 4 gerbil lovers and cokehead impersonators must be laughing up their noses at the ludicrous fuss. Even politicians get in on the act asking questions in parliament!
Why anyone should care what a bunch of slags say when they realise they are faced with someone way above the pit the inhabit is beyond me. It is a competition after all and these scrubbers can see 'voted out' looming in the mirror. Even the today program thinks its worth mentioning.

* The BBC has been given lots more money to produce the same rubbish as everyone else on behalf of the licence purchasing public. This licence has to be purchased even if you never watch the BBC's lamentable output. As this is the case how come the ITV, etc don't get a cut. I see no reason the whole lot should be given to an institution completely infiltrated by self-congratulating guardian readers.
What the hell do they do with all the money? Pay themselves inflated and unjustified wages and expenses that's what. They congratulate themselves on having permanent news correspondents across the world who we hear from about once a year. I can do that, give us a posting. I fancy Canada fuck all ever happens there.

* Peter Hain has just noticed the Bush administration is a trifle right-wing and totally useless, that conclusion took him an inordinate long time to arrive at, while he enjoyed the comforts of ministerial life. If it takes him that long to observe the obvious then what the hell is he doing as an MP let alone member of the government. The cheeky f***er should be deselected by his constituency. Next thing we know he'll be announcing that the Berlin wall has come down.

2007-01-17T02:48:00.000-08:00

* Bollywood star suffers.
Much outrage about celeb big brother over bullying and racial abuse of a bollywood star here in debt ridden england. Needless to say the press got it all wrong. What we really have is beautiful, intelligent Indian Bollywwod star in the big brother house with some really rough english mingers who know when they're outclassed, so its bitch bitch woof woof from the english dogs. The brainless scrubbers are giving the looker the 'who does she think she is' treatment and are naturally as is their nature trying to isolate the Indian looker. I don't know if Indian women are different from english women but she appears to be a bit bewildered.
Anyway what this country needs is more gorgeous Indian women and less Jade Grunters perhaps we could arrange a swap. I'm told by a friend that Indian women are born with their own irresistible perfume, any truth in that anyone?

The January blues has still got me so thats it I'm afraid.

2007-01-15T03:16:00.000-08:00

* The BBC had some sort of competition with teams from Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales and England. I caught the end while channel hoping. Saturday night and a heavy cold, Northern Ireland and England were kneck and kneck, the rules allowed the competitors to exclude a team from the question round, the entertaining thing was the obvious and deep desire of Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland to prevent England from winning thus Scotland and Wales conspired in the hope of getting Northern Ireland to win, even to their own detriment.
The english engaged in a bit of booing, but eventually won on phone votes.
Obviously, as elsewhere in the world, the english are regarded with some contempt by the other members of the UK. My suggestion is that Northern Ireland, Wales and Scotland form a breakaway union and leave us English to get on with screwing england up. My only doubt is the advisability of union with Northern Ireland which is notorious for disagreeing with itself. Three separate states may be a better solution.

2007-01-13T04:36:00.000-08:00

* January Blues
The new year hangover drags on though not physically incapacitated the joy has gone and every piece of news causes unexpected depression of the heaviest kind. The news keeps bleating on about carbon emissions and global warming even politicians are promising to balance their carbon debt. How they intend to do this I do not know. First Bollocks Blair then Bollocks Browne came out with promises. Why these people bother I don't know.
Everybody knows the disaster is coming and we will all be cursed by future generations that survive. Idiots keep assuming that the human race is rational when it is obvious to anyone with two brain cells to interlink that the human race is collectively round the bend and back again for another turn.
If the human race was rational everyone would immediately devote resources to sorting the problem out and masses of activity would be organised to this end. The rise of Nazi Germany should be a big enough clue as to the nature of man to say nothing of Rwanda, Bosnia, Iraq, the English, etc, etc.

* A friend rang to tell me I had missed a Doc Dick Dawkins special. My friend informs me that the Dick Dawk declared atheists to be in the position Gays were in before they all came out the closet and turned into the loveable liberated people they are. Interestingly one of the only groups to have an identity based purely on a sexual preference. Gay pride being proud of a sexual preference for the individuals of the same sex, however, I digress.
Doc Dawkins wants atheists to bite the bullet, resist oppression and come out the cupboard and declare their atheism with pride. This is excellent news I look forward to the first celebration of 'Atheist Pride'. We must immediately campaign to stop atheist bashing, innocent individuals walking around believing their is no divine being are constantly subjected to abuse and worse. I believe badges are available which read 'Glad to be Atheist' with Doc Dick Dawks face smiling from the centre.
I intend to start a group to out closet atheists hiding behind hypocritical religious facades or agnostic poses. I encourage others to do the same.
Watch this blog for the names of the rich and/or famous who are cupboard atheists.

My first outing is Peter Tatchell, queer as a coote and incapable of imagining any being greater than himself.

2007-01-12T08:34:00.000-08:00

* Simone Clarke
The English National Ballet leading dancer Simone Clarke is dancing in the wonderful Giselle. The baby-boomer rag the guardian outed her as a member of the BNP and she now faces protests from anti-racist groups. The Guardian is a soft-left rag promoting baby-boomer liberal views that are worth reading for the amusement to be gained from the articles. Its sister paper the Observer actively promotes astrology while affecting a rational stance. The observer womens supplement is a never ending source of amusement well worth the price when it is issued. The rest of the paper can be safely dumped in the bin in the knowledge it contains nothing of interest.
Now that I know the Guardian is upset over the BNP membership of Ms Clarke I am determined to join myself, not that I agree with much the BNP has to say but if it annoys the useless and worthless baby-boomers on the Guardian I feel obliged to join.
I encourage everyone to sign up and communicate the fact to the Guardian claiming they were pursuaded by the articles they read in the pages of this Hampstead tossers **** sheet.
Lets face it if the Guardians against something one is duty bound to support it just to avoid anyone thinking you read the bloody thing.
The Guardians inability to appreciate the existential majesty of art is typical. Who cares what the woman thinks, she can dance, the highest form of art there is.
If I want opinions I won't be rushing to ballet dancers to supply them.
The BNP is currently a legitimate political party so what's the big deal.

2007-01-12T03:27:00.000-08:00

* BBC Funding
Tessa Jowell was on BBC radio4 protesting that the government had no interest in influencing the BBC. Yeah right we know politicians love criticism. This was all to do with Greg Dyke having to resign. The board of the BBC failing to support him. How do you get to be on the board of the BBC or any of the numerous quangos the government sets up to keep executive power out of the reach of the voting public. This sort of set up is a sure sign that the electorate is being f**ked over and democracy circumvented. I wouldn't mind a lucrative post or three myself I promise to go along with anything the government says as long as the bribes are paid into my account. I may be amiss but didn't the new labour government promise to reduce quangos? action nill.
John Humph-alot was concerned that the BBC would get the funding it needs to continue paying pointless media celebs vast quantities of undeserved wages and to continue producing the utter crap it broadcasts. Last night we had dieting humans in a zoo. The program indulged in some scatalogical humour involving analyzing shit. They even thought we would like to view a turd or two. If this is what Humph-alot is thinking about then count me out. Seeing baby-boomers in a zoo was about the only judgement they got right. They should privatise the BBC instead of charging me to view exactly the same sort of crud as the private sector produces. There is no justification for BBC3 and BBC4 as I've said previously the total decent output could be put on BBC2. Sell the bloody corp off and spend the money on something useful before the tories get in, sell it off and spend the money on electoral bribes or tax cuts as they like to call them.
I mean I don't care if the UK likes being the *rsehole of the world but a bit of money on infrastructure would be nice.
I understand we're the top refuse producer in Europe and I presume have the most rats perhaps the sport of ratting with small terriers should be revived my uncle thinks it was popular in the north at one time, sounds likely.

* Baby-Boomer Blues.
It appears that free care for the baby-boomers surviving parents is on the way out with suggestions that they will have to be cared for by their children. Thats a vote loser ! The blood of the baby-boomers must have run cold at the very thought. Remember when your parents (baby-boomers) are old and have spent all the inheritance to turf them into the street where they can wander bewildered, worthless and useless to the end.

2007-01-11T03:05:00.000-08:00

* Bush targets.
President Bush he of the interesting use of language has decided to send 20,000 additional targets to Iraq for the terrorists in Iraq to shoot at or blow up. He doesn't seem to realise what a joy it was to those with anti-american sentiments when they discovered that they would be able to kill Americans as a large number of them had been obligingly sent to the house next door. They also received an invitation from the dumbo Bush when he said to the world 'bring it on'. Never has an invitation to a scrap been so whole heartedly taken up. Now he is sending even more! Didn't he hear Saddam when he announced the tactics to oppose the Americans would be based on those of the Vietnam war i.e. guerrilla based. Deaths in Iraq are now running at 1000 a week!! The rhetoric from the Americanos seems to be switching to a 'the Iraq government must do this thing or that thing' guess whose fault its going to be if the yanks pull out.
I understand that during the Vietnam war the insurgent forces noted that Americans did not like to be killed nor did they like their comrades to be killed particularly as no one seemed to appreciate it. It looks as though this lesson wasn't learnt.
I mean is Prez Bush trying to destabilise the Middle East? If he is then looks like his plan is on-course. Isn't it time the middle-eastern countries had a big conference before they all catch fire?
Now Billy Bush is playing in Somalia I don't hold out much hope there either.

* Stephanie. - Despite numerous letters and Emails from myself, I notice that the excellent news-reader Stephanie on BBC News 24 has still not been promoted to controller of this pointless off-shoot of the BBC. You might have thought that you would get more news, but no it endlessly repeats itself all day long telling us less than the terrestial news program headlines. It is exactly like Sky-News so whats the point. Apart from discovering Stephanie it has no reason to exist. It should close down, put Stephanie on a much higher wage,leave the job to Sky-News, thus recouping the wages of Jonathan Ross and other overpaid talking heads.

2007-01-10T03:40:00.000-08:00

* Blair Baloney

The soon (hopefully) to leave office Prime minister said on the subject of Saddam's execution in Iraq (something the media got very excited about him not saying anything about for reasons known only to the media) this :
"So the crimes that Saddam committed do not excuse the manner of his execution, and the manner of his execution does not excuse the crimes.
"Now I think that's a perfectly sensible position that most people would reasonably accept".
Well 'the manner of his execution does not excuse the crimes' is a strange statement seeming to imply some moral equivalence between the punishment and the crime. As though everyone was sitting round saying now he's (Saddam) been verbally abused on the scaffold and had his execution videoed that makes it all square. I'll put his picture back up.
The consequence of crime which has the result in a penalty from the law enforcement agencies of society surely has no relevance to the moral judgement on a crime. The penalty is whatever it is. Whether you think verbal abuse of criminals or the execution of criminals is a proper penalty is a completely different issue and excuse is neither here nor there.

* Old bollocks then said when questioned about the amount of CO2 pollution caused by aircraft taking him on holiday : "I'm not going to be in the situation of saying I'm not going to take holidays abroad or use air-travel. It's just not practical".
Use of air travel is one thing but how taking holidays abroad is not practical I fail to understand. How is it impractical for him to holiday at home? Presumably this refers to the constant earache he would be getting from the avaricious one if he took her to beautiful Bognor or some other desirable English resort.

2007-01-09T04:24:00.000-08:00

* Thought Police and Gays
The totally worthless baby-boomer t*ssers in the government have passed a bill that makes it illegal to object to gay sexual practices. They are implementing it in Northern Ireland first in order to punish the protestants for sabotaging the NI Good Friday agreement. Lets hope that doesn't backfire.
This new law will be awkward for those who think buggery is not a natural method of sexual engagement. This is obviously absurd if God didn't approve of gay males he would not have given us anuses. I personally think as long as a good Dettol enema is applied first there can be no objection to a bit of s*** shunting. The free thinking baby-boomers in their pursuit of bad thoughts will be directing the thought police to hunt out those who express any objection to a couple of male tarts trying to puncture each others large bowel.
It will not I presume be an offence to object to hetero-sexual couples indulging in this desirable activity. I understand from an article I once read in the freedom loving Guardian that this is the preferred method of coupling for todays heteros.
I am uncertain as to whether bi-sexuals are covered by this law I presume when in hetero mode they are not but when in 'Gay' mode they are.
This law has upset the Christian churches in England as they tend to regard buggery as unnatural and unlikely to lead to conception.
If you feel strongly about s*** shunting you had better get it off your chest now, before you are hauled before a Judge and sent down for your unacceptable views.

* Tony Bollocks Blair.
I was told that f*ck-up features, on finally leaving us in peace, will be setting up a foundation. Who else was booted out and also set up a foundation? Yes you guessed mrs thatcher (his political mentor) did, talk about walking in the footsteps, has this guy ever had an original idea? Anyone who knows of one please tell me what it was. Lets hope he disappears on the extremely lucrative talk circuit and bores his paying guests to death.

* I was pleased to see that the news-reader Stephanie has re-appeared on BBC news 24.
Anyone have a picture of her on a night-out, burning the double ended candle?

2007-01-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

* Back
I'm back and wrecked but I have to say that I was watching the TV when on came a news item that made me feel ill. Yes it was those aging worthless babyboomers heading into the failing 60's with a 'Sexy at Sixty' item. Cue a lot of over moisturised faces and chicken necks trying to convince them selves that they're still desirable in their sixties!! Pass the vomit bag. Sexy at forty I might be prepared to consider, but this botox generation have really lost it. Baby-boomer parents are seriously delusional you might like to consider getting them sectioned.

2006-12-29T02:56:00.000-08:00

* New Year.
I have been invited to a extended new year blow out and therefore this blog won't get updated until I recover, usually takes about a week. Until then lets hope 2007 will be better than 2006. Don't hold your breath.
John Saxby.

2006-12-29T02:30:00.000-08:00

* Home alone.
Still no word from my partner as to when her tribal summons will expire. I watch a DVD with a great deal of gratuitous violence in its content. I muse that few would condemn my viewing the many unfortunate ends met by the characters in this film. Yet nobody ever calls and says, "quick someone has died in an accident come and see". Even though everyone rubber necks at accidents.
My reverie is broken by a friend calling. I assumed he was calling to exchange seasonal pleasantries, but no.
He was travelling by train to London when it occurred to him that he hadn't noticed any 'gingers' (people with naturally red hair) of late. He decided to walk the full length of the train as part of his research and could not find one, only people with dyed red which don't count.
Walking the streets of London town he noted not a one. His conclusion was not that the gene for ginger hair was permanently recessive but that "Gingers are dyeing their hair!". It occurred to him that you could be chatting away to someone totally unaware that they were a 'ginger'!. He seemed dissappointed at my muted response. He then mentioned that he knew my partner had a visiting hair stylist and would I ring her stylist and ask if she was dyeing any ginger hair brown or blonde.
I protested that no way was I doing any such thing. I suggested that he find a Ladies hairdressers that was doing little business and enquire himself. This thought had occured to him but he concluded it was easy for me to do it. Failing to convince me he finally left muttering to himself.
I was left contemplating the demise of the red end of the spectrum as a hair colour.

2006-12-28T03:06:00.000-08:00

* Fading celebration.
The muppets over the road's party is still going on, about a week now. Its down to the hardened few that's five male persons and a female person! still drinking plus two women wandering about in dressing gowns vainly trying to clear up. They have the curtains open all the time as p*ssheads usually do by this time on a binge. Three guys shuffled down the road at 10.30 a.m. and returned with more sprightly step with supermarket bags obviously full of cans.
About 2.00 p.m. the dedicated muppets are following each other round the front garden spraying each other with froth. One of the muppets knocks the wheelie bin on its side and bottles and cans come spilling out. Much altercation the only result of which is the wheelie bin gets stood up and the cans and bottles are kicked in a group around the bin.
About 6.00 p.m. really loud music is filling the streets from the muppets house. A short while later a neighbour requests they play the music at a more acceptable volume. He gets short shift from the muppets who should really have a lie down.
Half an hour later the police arrive and tell the muppets to switch it off, one of the dressing gown women unplugs the unit and blessed peace descends. The police stress how annoyed they'll be if they have to come back. The muppets go back in the front room. It takes them quite a while to work out that the music system has been unplugged. Great row breaks out by the look of it.
9.00 p.m. all the muppets are passed out and the dressing gown women are rushing round tidying up the mess. Its hard to tell but it looks like abject despair is written on their faces. I take pity on them and nip across and tell them to pour strong lager and water on the crotches of all the passed out drunks to make it look like they've wet themselves. I explain to have full effect they must berate them continuously on waking them up. I retire to watch the outcome. The girls finally rouse them and if they're following my instructions are complaining loudly about the disgust, smell, urine soaked furniture and anything else that comes to mind, exit three muppets with wet crotches and a flea in the ear. The passed out woman won't wake up. The two resident male muppets stare around uncomprehendingly.
Ah Christmas.

2006-12-28T02:44:00.000-08:00

* Pork pie hat.
The bbc announced that while pork pie eating had once been a male preserve that now more and more female persons are eating pork pies. In addition they decided it was becoming a national obsession. This is a new one on me having seen no sign of conspicuous pork pie consumption. I wonder if they actually mean the north of England where the extraordinary size of the northern female person may well be attributable to large pie dinners. It also makes me wonder if the bbc lives in the same country as I do, such are the extraordinary claims made by this organisation. This sounds more like some deputy editors desperate attempt to snort up a subject for the program, that can't be bbc grade cocaine. Maybe when women go on a girls only night its not male strippers and booze but a pork pie fest' lots of fingers down throats Princess Diane style in order to bolt down more crust, fat, gristle and alchopops. I shall be investigating and reporting back on this one.

* Christmas quiz.
Forgot all about it but the correct answers were (a), (b), (b) for the three questions.

2006-12-27T03:14:00.000-08:00

* Father Christmas good or bad.#
Germaine Greer a professional opinionated baby-boomer was complaining that it is a terrible thing to lie to children and telling them that Santa exists is a heinous crime. This all too predictable attitude ignores the many benefits this 'rite of passage' confers at the momment the truth is revealed i.e. there is no santa.
This teaches the child many valuable lessons to wit:
1) Never take what your parents tell you at face value, always keep your eyes and ears open in order to know what really goes on, review everything they told you for possible flaws.
2) Santa brought poor kids cheaper and fewer toys than the middle income kids and the richest kids got the most expensive and best toys from santa. This teaches kids that the more money you've got, the more you get.
3) It becomes obvious that mum and dad bought the presents not old santa and therefore there is no reason why toy buying activities should be restricted to Christmas day as mum, or mum and dad, or dad or mum and partner or dad and partner (partner being of either sex and all valid lifestyles) are often about.
4) Children realise it wasn't santa who choose the crabby scooter you got when your brother got a racing bike and now you know who the real competition is you can start plans to undermine them.
This is all fitting stuff for todays England.

2006-12-27T02:54:00.000-08:00

* Dancing to the music.
The BBC had a program, behind the scenes at the Royal Ballet Company followed by Giselle in full. It became obvious that ballet is really a religious order of the old kind. The postulants are recruited at an extremely early age, under go many extreme disciplines and the goal is a sublime transcendental experience that few can know or understand. In addition it is forged through fire. Forget your dan brown Opus Dei in the Da Vinci Code they're amateurs, these people know pain. Darcy Bussell is also a stunner apart from being a most talented dancer. Far from the image of fit people that dance they appear to be fit people in pain who dance and are covered in local anaesthetics when they perform. This is the closest art gets to religion.
Watching the sublime beauty of the Ballet Giselle we are aware that it emerges from a world of pain for which the majority get paid very little and is only bearable through intense devotion. Excellent people all, but they can be a trifle bitchy.

2006-12-26T04:11:00.000-08:00

* Boxing Day
Today is boxing day. Nobody knows what boxing day is except you get a day off for it. Its usually the first morning when the delayed hangover kicks in. This Christmas I had to accompany my partner on her visit to her relatives. She comes from one of those families that has an unwritten, irrevocable covenant that demands all relatives must visit each other at Christmas. I had been warned in advance that I was required to accompany her. One set of grandparents had heard all the criticism about me and hadn't been able to join in so I was bidden to appear before them and for some unknown reason, an uncle had enough clout to summon me as well. They all visit at the same time so running into all the other relatives is pretty much guaranteed.

Off we went to see Grandad and Grandma from the down market side of the family. Gwen (my partner) handed over her two presents (Gandad & Grandma don't do joint presents apparently).
I was introduced but received no acknowledgement. Grandma And Grandad were too busy ripping off the wrapping.
Grandad produced a small penknife and extracted the contents from his box and commenced to scrutinise his gift. Then Grandma handed over her box which Grandad expertly opened while she scrutinised his present. Grandad examined her present with the look of a pawnbroker whose just identified your Rolex as a fake. They then swap presents again and continue to examine them minutely.
Grandad finally raises his head and says, " They're very nice dear, we won't be wanting the receipts for these." (The old b*****d) Big sigh of relief. The room has other trapped relatives sat with cups of tea and slices of Christmas cake. After an interminable period of time we are allowed to leave.
We then have to endure four hours of excrutiating tedium with her Uncle. After that I hasten back home while she has obligatory sleep overs at various relatives houses until Thursday.

2006-12-23T03:38:00.000-08:00

* Offensive to Gays.
On the news it was revealed that a couple of God-botherers from Fleetwood, complained about taxpayers' money being used for leaflets about gay rights and called homosexuality immoral!!!. The end result was that the police came round to explain to them that Gay persons would be upset and attempted to re-educate them. This is excellent news re-education is a popular course in the UK, recently some firemen who objected to gay males dressed as nuns were also sent for re-education. This sort of activity has long been a bastion of democracy. Other countries known to have had this practice are communist China, the now defunct Soviet Union and North Korea. In addition to being severely told off the couple were given £10,000 in order to re-inforce the message. This is good pavlovian practice, aversion therapy then re-inforcement by reward. It is high time the thought police were strengthened and all wrong thinking people were flushed out of their front rooms and re-educated to the correct way of thinking. I shudder to think of the pain Stephen Fry must have suffered on hearing that people like this still exist amongst the English.

2006-12-23T03:11:00.000-08:00

* QI
BBC2 program QI was broadcast last night, as I was bored I decided to give it a go. This program is a quiz program hosted by the famous statue kisser, product promoter and scourge of religion Stephen Fry. This man has an IQ in six figures and an excess of intelligence that he uses to earn his living as an amusing personality. I must admit he makes me laugh. This program as well as being amusing is also very informative exposing many misconceptions. Tonight I was astonished to learn that Jesus was really called Mithras and lived in Rome not northern Israel. There's something that Dan Brown missed. "Mithras and Mary were lovers, lordy how they did love, swore to be true to each other, true as the stars above, he was her man and they founded a dynasty of kings" (must work on that last rhyme).
Then we had a good laugh at the Irish, instead of learning to read and write at school they learn such unlikely things as : There was a woman in Ireland called Bridget that had a cloak made out of an acre of cloth! Yeah, try dragging that around. Mr Fry was astonished that anyone could have such a bizarre education.
Talking of aliases we learnt that a man called Bartholomew was shot with arrows but his real name was Sebastian.
There was an American comedian on the show whose expression was that of a man who wished he hadn't dropped that tab of acid before he went on the show. Still one can only applaud Mr Fry's attacks on God-botherers who cause untold suffering to millions. He ploughed into Christians with blows left and right, pinching Christmas off log worshippers, lying about Jesus's real name, pinching Father Christmas off the Turks, no doubt he is saving his attacks on Islam for the new year.

2006-12-22T03:07:00.000-08:00

* Big mess.
Tony Baloney Blair et al. have admitted that Iraq is a mess. I watched Channel 4 news at 7.00 p.m. (I hate to admit it but the best news program on terrestial) they showed a report from Iraq which was so appalling that Ms Rice's later comment that 'the investment in US lives and dollars will be "worth it"' seems macabre. The situation in Iraq is not a 'Mess' its a horror story, a snuff movie, I had to look away from the unutterable misery.
Some people have suggested that Tony Blair (mentor thatcher) saw the invasion of Iraq as an opportunity for a bit of 'falklands war' kudos, Saddam out, dancing in the streets, strutting about being congratulated. One of the desired end results being a good 10 more years as leader of new labour and thumbed nose, 'no chance', when Mr Brown asked for his turn as leader. Well, well, well, instead of being the darling of the nation he's staggering in the sh*t, the best laid pats of cows and men. If we had any conscience we would be in the streets intent on throwing the b*st*rd out of number 10.

2006-12-22T02:36:00.000-08:00

* Working Class Hero
I learnt that some guy in the US of A has finally got his hands on John Lennon's FBI surveillance records. What does this reveal? That dangerous old John once got asked by two Liberal voters to invest in a bookshop.
After my amusement had subsided, I decided to give Uncle Dave a ring. John Lennon was one of this ageing baby-boomer's heroes. Uncle Dave hadn't heard the news. My call was greeted by a bit of muttering, whereupon, I commenced to sing down the phone 'You say you want a safe investment, well you know, my broker's on his way' to the tune of Mr Lennons song Revolution.
'Admittedly' (Uncle Dave said)'it shouldn't come as a great surprise, he' (the coolest Beatle) 'always said he voted tory, was only a pop star and the yanks did allow him to reside in the states. I guess you shouldn't look for philosophers amongst pop-singers as they're not renowned for their intellectual penetration.'
'Bob Dylan' (another of Uncle Daves heroes), he went on, 'never claimed to be anything more than an song-writer and entertainer'.
'The thing about Dylan, apart from having more bollocks written about him while still alive than any other human being, is he knows the extent of his craft. If you look at his output you can see he's a weaver by trade', said Uncle Dave enigmatically.
I pushed him a bit more but he got in a huff and rang-off. I must send him a condolences on the end of a dream card.

2006-12-21T02:08:00.000-08:00

* Campervan and sex worker
I couldn't resist this one.
A male trainspotter (are there any female trainspotters?) in a campervan was stopped and picked up by the police after they saw a woman enter his campervan in the redlight district of Wolverhampton. His explanation was that he had travelled to the area to see a locomotive, having got lost, he stopped to make himself a cup of tea, whereupon a sex worker jumped into his campervan and shouted "drive, drive". Thinking she was in danger, he started up the campervan and gallantly drove away from the danger he believed was following her.

* Sex worker.
Since the recent events in Ipswich, a debate has arisen as to whether the term prostitute should be used as it is demeaning to prostitutes. The alternative 'sex worker' is being proposed by the pc community. This seems to me to be a very vague term covering too large a variety of participants. I have come up with an alternative that seems to cover this deficiency. I have taken my lead from the UFO community which have four terms to cover contact with aliens these are:
.Close encounters of the first kind - Seeing a UFO.
.Close encounters of the second kind - Seeing an alien.
.Close encounters of the third kind - Meeting an alien
.Close encounters of the fourth kind - Sex with an alien.
I therefore propose the following categories of sex worker.
. Sex worker of the first kind : Page three models, glamour models, Readers wives, etc.
. Sex worker of the second kind : Strippers, lap dancers, pole dancers, etc.
. Sex worker of the third kind : Masseurs, manual relief, touch me strippers, etc
. Sex worker of the fourth kind : Prostitutes, f*ck and sell to the press merchants, etc

Therefore the lady with the trainspotter would be a sex worker of the fourth kind.
There you go problem solved.

2006-12-20T03:16:00.000-08:00

* WinterBozzeTime Quiz.
In the grand tradition of the English Press I will be filling up space with a pointless boozetime quiz. Each day, if I can be bothered, I will ask a number of quiz questions
in the new Year, provided I remember, I will print the correct answers.

Question 1.
What is the similarity between the American Series 'Friends' (being endlessly recycled on Channel 4) and the Australian Series 'Neighbours'?
Is It?
a) They are an accurate portrayal of life in their respective countries?
b) They provide much helpful analysis of common problems in life?
c) The characters in the two series treat other peoples homes exactly the same way as lying, thieving junkies do?

Question 2.
When the English say England is like America
Is It Because?
a) When people living in the UK are interviewed about UK issues on radio and television 50% of the time they have American accents.
b) When the English wear T shirts in public, they are declaring the own inalienable right to bear arms as the Americans.
c) We have a thriving wholesale and retail recreational and Lifestyle drugs business as do the Americans.

Question 3.
When the Northern Irish, Scots and Welsh say the English are a bunch of *rseholes
Is It Because?
a) The histories of their respective countries shows it plainly to be the case.
b) They have only ever met people from the north of England.
c) When the English open their mouths all you get is a load of sh*t.

2006-12-20T02:41:00.000-08:00

* More New Labour thinking from Tony 'Baloney' Blair.
Mr Blair was interviewed over the inability of the UK to influence American thinking (as detailed in a Chatham House report) and, therefore, whats the point of the special relationship? Essentially the yanks get in a huddle, have a good laugh and all yell "pardon, didn't catch that.", also, on outings for the yanks benefit we have to pay our own expenses or as in WW II had to pay interest on a loan to buy yank tanks and boats, the most expensive tanks ever purchased, as arranged by a yank Mr W Churchill( See War Debt about to be paid off after 70 odd years). Anyway I digress.
After the 'Who knows what tomorrow may bring' thinking on nuclear weapons we now have new penetrating analysis of the special relationship from the man with a taste for american arse. This is the 'Biggest boy in the school yard' policy.
If everybody in the school yard ignores what you say because your a small spotty swot you can beef up your standing by toadying round the school bully. In return for a lot of humiliation next time your in the school yard and say 'let me play footer' the other boys instead of saying 'P*ss off Blair you t*sser', they think twice and say 'I'm sorry but we've got eleven on both teams already'.
In regard to membership of the European Union as well as advancing American policy on Europe you get listened to. This is the Tony Baloney New Labour 'Get invited to the party' policy.
This policy says if you offer to chip in large amounts of dosh to pay for the pop and sweets the other boys will let you come to the midnight feast in the house clubroom. Previously we couldn't get in the house clubroom because we were fagging for the school bully then the schoolbully thought he'd like to know what goes on but as he was in a different house he couldn't barge his way in. The solution make the fag pay all his pocket money to the cost of any parties. The house members after much tee heeing let the English in and had fun making them obey the club rules that everyone else ignored.
Its important for us to fag for the yanks and amuse the Europeans because otherwise Tony couldn't stutter and boost his enormous ego on the world stage.

2006-12-19T07:29:00.000-08:00

* Channel 4 program on Toulouse-Lautrec.
Channel 4 widely advertised its program about Toulouse-Lautrec. Comments such as the Rubens of his day, etc, aroused my interest so I tuned in last Saturday. So what did we learn about his artistic output and development, well f*ck all actually. He did some horses, he did some posters. As it was a documentary choosen by the gerbil lovers and cokehead impersonators at channel 4, the program was more concerned with the naughty goings-on of Toulouse-Lautrec himself. What did we learn?
His father was mad as a hatter, his mother doted on him, he was inbred, he knew a man who painted horses, he studied in Paris in sex crazy Montmartre, he had a large penis, he hung out with prostitutes, he got pissed alot with his mates, he had a number of models/prostitutes which he painted/copulated-with alot, he went to the circus, he went to the fair, he went to the moulin rouge, he lived in a brothel, he became a hopeless alcoholic, he died young.
This documentary was presented by a great lunk with a dead rat on his head. It was hard to determine whether the documentary was about Toulouse-Lautrec or 'what the great lunk did on his Paris holidays'. The documentary featured him to such an extent that one part showed him seeing how quickly he could walk past all the locations associated with Toulouse-Lautrec's life in Paris. He told us that Toulouse-Lautrec's posters became so popular that people took them from the walls. The great lunk then showed us how this might have looked by taking a poster off a wall.
We also learnt how polite frenchmen can be when being asked dumb questions by a great lunk.
At the end of the documentary we learnt that T-L had a sh*t on a french beach. To prove his point he showed us a photograph, 'T-L with cr*p deposited on beach', then a photograph, 'T-L pulling up his pants on beach'. The great lunk thought this a grand gesture. He didn't ask the obvious question, 'what the f*ck did the photographer think he was doing photographing a man with tertiary siphilis having a sh*t on a beach?'
The great lunk visited T-L's grave in a convent graveyard. The great lunk thought the nuns buried with him would be outraged, if they weren't all dead. This shows that the great lunk knows f*ck all about nuns and f*ck all about Catholocism.
He then threw his hat on T-L's grave and wandered off.
Culture channel 4 style.

2006-12-19T07:00:00.000-08:00

* Complaint about my warnings concerning Mrs Thatchers grave.

I received an email with the following complaint :
.... infantile and distateful blog. I have done a straw poll and contrary to your assertion that many people will be fouling Mrs Thatcher's grave after her death, I can find not one person in Kensington that admits to any such intention.
From: Mr A Beeston.
- Also I received the following on the same subject :
... can only condemn such actions, however, it would be the only occasion on which the much vaunted 'trickle down' phenomenon is shown to be correct.
From: Mr T Sullivan
- And,
.... won't be joining in myself as I was rather young at the time, but my Dad thinks its a great idea and if he can get enough of the other ex-miners interested will be organising a coach.
From: Mr S Williams.
I was young too Steve but I've never forgotten her exit from number 10 and how it cheered up my Uncle Dave.
- Nothing to do with Mrs Thatcher but I also received :
.... you may think baby-boomers are useless, but I'm the one with a house worth £900,000 which is nearly paid off. The current generation is the one in harness to debt and paying £125,000 for a cupboard laughingly described as a starter flat.
You might not be so screwed if you could organise yourselves but you confound received wisdom, the only thing you could organise is a booze-up in a brewery, tosssers.
From: A Baby-boomer (who wittily headed his email 'Whose laughing now!, the useless, worthless t**t.)

2006-12-18T02:59:00.000-08:00

* A growing trend is being pioneered by the BBC in weather persons.
First we had boring old guys telling us about the weather who looked dead serious and pointed vaguely at a map of Britain. Then we had eye-candy female weather persons waving vaguely at a map of Britain. Then we had a new map of Britain, the dimensions of which were not geographic but by regional importance, until some northeners finally noticed (I was astounded they knew where they were on the map) and complained. Now the BBC is extending its range of camp male weather persons. Some of the idiotic, useless baby-boomers down the winebar all yell in falsetto 'Shut that door' at the end of the weather, for reasons lost on me. I have reported these people to the police on more than one occasion but needless to say no action has, as yet, been taken. Perhaps the weather could be handed over to the producer of 'Little Britain' for a complete makeover.

2006-12-18T02:35:00.000-08:00

* Richard Dawkins starts a new offensive.
The eminent paperback writer Richard Dawkins was on a discussion program on ITV at the weekend. This was in pursuit of his aim (and all right thinking people) to get rid of God-botherers from the gene pool. In the discussion he admirably expounded the extension of his thinking into the area of German Coming Of Age Theology. During his profound demolition of cherry picking he stated that 'believing in God is the same as believing in fairies'. This was a general analogy as obviously (except in England) fairies and God refer to dissimilar imaginary entities.
It follows that believing in fairies is the same as believing in God. We must now extend the categories of people to be prevented from breeding (compulsory nuts off/tubes tied) to include those who claim any familiarity with the 'little people'. Obviously it is not just a belief in fairies but leprechauns, elves, goblins, imps, brownies, pixies, etc. Enter in your note books the names and addresses of these people as well as God-botherers. They too are responsible for all the ills of the human race.
A friend points out that when you go to deprived areas of the world e.g. Africa, what type of person do you find working out there to better the lives of the poor? Not God-botherers, sat safe at home, but pioneering Athiests!

2006-12-18T02:26:00.000-08:00

* New Mel.
Mr Ian Duncan-Smith (Dunkers, to his friends) was on the TV being interviewed by someone or other and stopped me in my tracks with a Mad Mel. He admitted, on prompting, to being an ardent thatcherite and then claimed that : 'concern for the underclass and social-inclusion'(whatever that is) had always been a major plank of thatcherism!!!
This apparently based on some off-hand comment by thatcher that they ought to do something about the underclass though they never did. Letting this buffoon loose might just remind those who can remember the glory days why they voted the slimy b*stards out.

2006-12-16T04:35:00.000-08:00

* Richard Dawkins.
I received an email in about the entries in my blog about Prof Dawk'.
The email said :
.... about the puerile and irrelevant attacks on the eminent scientist Richard Dawkins. It is totally incorrect to say that his friends call him Dick, it is well known that professor Dawkins does not have any close aquaintances that would qualify in such a category. In respect of his brilliant book about the belief in God, if there was such a being they would undoubtedly have made their existence known to Professor Dawkins. Yours sincerely ****** ******** ******* (Oxon. educated and proud of it).

2006-12-16T04:07:00.000-08:00

* Holocaust and Iran.
The Iranians as everybody knows have been hosting a conference on whether 'the holocaust' occurred. The Iranian President seems to believe that the holocaust is used to justify the state of Israel. Whether the holocaust occurred or not has no bearing on the right of the state of Israel to exist.
The facts of the matter are that it does and has very powerful allies.
The argument as to whether it should exist where it does is a different matter. Those of a cynical point of view might misguidedly think that after WWII the west decided that resettling the survivors of the holocaust on land that didn't belong to them and didn't inconvenience them was an opportunity not to be missed. The accusation that many people are suffering for a problem not of their making but a problem that rightly belongs to Europe can't be said to lack any weight.
It seems odd that the West decided that reparation to the Jewish peoples should be provided by the Palestinians.
Those counties responsible for the Jewish plight either by eager participation, ommission or refusing sanctuary might have been expected to bear the burden of reparation. The Germans, French, English, Italians, Dutch, Austrians, etc, etc. These states might have carved out a bit of their own territory with guarantees supplied by the Americans to provide a permanent home for the Jewish people.I mean how many Middle-Eastern guards were there at the death camps?

2006-12-15T01:54:00.000-08:00

* The BBC announced John Major would be talking about Iraq.
Who! then I remembered it was the curry f*cker himself. Instead of telling us what we wanted to know i.e. Was Edwina Curry a screamer, he rambled on about Iraq.
What did he say? It went like this " Merble meep meep, merble meep, squark merble merble meep meep meep!" and so on. Essentially having crawled out from under his cloud of irrelevance where he has been sulking about the fact he isn't even a footnote in history, his gist was : Iraq is a mess, it wouldn't have been if he had been involved. Yeah right. Lets look back, what is noticeable about his time as P.M. err, it was a terrible mess, nobody took any notice of anything he said, all the tory M.P.s were running about behaving like naughty boys and making rude noises behind his back whenever he got up to squeak. Can anybody remember anything he ever said?
Dumb old John won the election he was supposed to loose. Having really screwed everything up the tories traditionally let the Labour party win. Labour then have to clean up the mess, which is always painful, the tories say 'look what they did, wasn't that painful?', then they get voted back in. It must have been looks of horror all round from the grandees when Johnny boy won. Unfortunately the electorate thought they were going to get more presents from the tories and all they had left were the railways, oh dear.
What was Jojo's action plan for Iraq? List all the problems and then make sure they get solved, good one Jojo. So is she a screamer or not?

New labour could get back in everybody's good books by selling off the BBC. It now produces as much garbage as the private broadcasting companies. Its back catalog must be worth something. Bundle that, Bundle the production side. Bundle the technology. Bundle the radio. sack all those arrogant program producers and cokehead impersonators. Just retain BBC news 24 so it can endlessly recycle the same three news items over and over and put the delightful newsreader Stephanie in charge. The tories sold the railways, so new labour should pay them the compliment of selling the BBC just in case the tories get in.

2006-12-15T01:48:00.000-08:00

* Mohamed Al Fayed yesterday made a number of statements that qualify as sad mels.
Prince Philip ordered MI6 to murder the saintly Diana mother of princes.
Diana had no family or friends except himself. These being the ones that stopped me.

2006-12-14T02:56:00.000-08:00

* Comedy of Errors
Tony Blair, now he's back from riming American arse [desperate for a job so he can still strut and fret his time on the world stage] has decided to launch a few initiatives. This government has reached the point as did thatcher's where it is becoming an almost perfect parody of itself. At least its one thing it can do right. Tony Blair whose ego expands at the speed of sound hasn't realised he has become a comic act and should bow and leave the stage before he falls in the orchestra pit.
Mr Hammond minister for something or other drew the short straw and bravely stood up to announce the changes to the Child Support Agency. What have they come up with after years of failure and massive expenditure? Yes! you guessed they're going to change the name. This is due to the idiotic PC culture where to change something you call it something else e.g. Prostitute is now a Sex Worker. Then to universal derision from the populace of barmy Britain he announced passports would be withdrawn to prevent shirking fathers from going on foreign holidays. I was waiting for frog marching them to the cash point to be mentioned, I guess they're saving that till later. Confiscating driving licenses without going to court was another wheeze. How will that work then ? Expect large numbers of innocent men to loose their passports and driving licenses. They can't get the current system to work what makes them think they can get that together. Then, best laugh of all, they will encourage couples to come to a private agreement together, as the failure of couples to do that very thing was the reason the CSA was originally set up one could do nothing but applaud.
One can do nothing but feel sorry (almost) for Mr Brown inheriting a sinking ship which even the chief rat won't leave (f*ck off Tony). Bremner, Bird and Fortune are going to find it hard to better the new labour pantomime. Still at least mr Brown doesn't have to defend the Iraq policy as soon as mr Bush tells Blair what it is.
The one joy is that Tony Baloney Blairs legacy is going to be so farcical historians won't believe their own researches.

2006-12-13T02:46:00.000-08:00

* New Terminology.
After some unusual statements by various people I suggest the introduction of a new term 'A Mel' or in full 'A Mel Gibson'. This term should be used in reference to any statement that stops a person in their tracks because of its bizarre nature. The term 'A Mel' is so called after Mel Gibson's recent comment that the 'Jews are responsible for all wars' (see below).
For example the statement from a friend that they have been abducted by aliens and taken on board a flying saucer would in Europe (but not in America where it is a commonplace) be a 'Mel'.
Recent 'Mels' in the news are :
. Mr Ahmadinejad's (President of Iran) described the Holocaust as a myth used to justify the existence of Israel and oppression of the Palestinians.
. A Mr Willows, a Conservative councillor, allegedly described all homosexuals as paedophiles and was ordered to pay £250 costs .
I have designated three types of mels :
1) a 'Bad Mel' which receives general opprobrium e.g. Mr Ahmadinejad's comment.
2) a 'Mad Mel' which is plainly crazy e.g. The comment of Mr Willows.
3) a 'Sad Mel' which is plainly a delusion e.g. A friend believing they have been kidnapped by aliens.
In addition we can add a monetary value to the 'Mel' e.g. Mr Willows comment which would be a '£250 mad mel'.
Mel Gibson's comment would be a 'bad mad mel'.
Mr Ahmadinejad's comment would be a 'bad sad mel'.
I intend to collect mels and will be highlighting them in this blog.

2006-12-12T03:07:00.000-08:00

* Breakdown Britain
Ian Duncan-Smith was all over the news with his report on family relationships or rather lack of, in the UK. He has discovered that in Britain there is an underclass.
Let me look, ah yes, this is the gentleman who was an ardent admirer of Mrs Thatcher. Does he mention that the tories created this class? No he doesn't. Obviously he has forgotten Ebay Britain, everything must go. Looking at recent political history I come across the phrase 'No pain, No gain'. That was pain for the poor and gain for the rich. Why he should produce this report when he knows full well there is no such thing as society I have no idea.
Mr Hammond minister for something or other was asked for a comment on this report, he had the slightly panicky look of a man who has just realised the excrement is just below the ceiling fan. His response was to whinge on about the tories not supporting new labours disastrous record. Never has so much bad legislation and pointless hectoring been produced by one government. Returning to the report and its statistics you could hear the phrase 'beyond the point of no return' echoing over the crumbling cliffs of Dover.

* Pinochet is dead.
The news announced that Mrs Thatcher reportedly said she was 'greatly saddened' by the death of this great General. I have my doubts that she is capable of saying anything, however, everyone is saddened when a murderous, thieving, torturing, democracy destroying, CIA employed, ex-dictator lives into his nineties there seems to be no justice in the world, one can only hope he was plagued with haemorrhoid's for most of his life.

2006-12-11T02:48:00.000-08:00

* Trident Warheads and Submarines.
The government i.e Tony "Baloney" Blair and the f*ckwit baby-boomers in the cabinet have come up with a brilliant and convincing argument for building amazingly expensive submarines and having 160 nuclear war-heads (which they assure us we can fire independently with USA permission). The justification for this enormous spend is 'who knows what tomorrow may bring'. How true is that (apart from the astrologer who writes for the Observer Sunday newspaper) nobody does. Thus in one sound bite we understand why we need these weapons, in the future someone somewhere might bomb us and how dumb will we look if we can't blow them to f*ck with the Americans permission. Really dumb thats how.
I have long thought that the private citizens of this great country should not have guns. Now the government has convinced me that I am being very naive. Tomorrow I could be looking out of my flat window only to see a frightening mob armed to the teeth streaming up the drive intent on murder and mayhem. This does not in the light of things seem unlikely.
This weekend I have visited a public house in London and ordered an AK47 and a sawn-off shotgun complete with 200 rounds each. If they get through the door its 'say hello to my little friend Mr Sawn-off'. On the way home I purchased a samuri sword which had (at a price) been honed razor sharp and also a bowie knife (I've always wanted one of those). Next weekend I will be home and prepared for any eventuality. Boy will my neighbours look dumb as they are wrenched kicking and screaming into the street while I mow down the mindless mob from my 2nd-floor flat.
As we are hell bent on being American how about the right to bear arm Mr Blair.

* The aforementioned (is it me or is Jack Straw a complete tw*t, I bet he was one of those kids that everyone used to kick when he was at school) government in response to completely failing to get money out of absentee parents has decided to adopt (yes you guessed it) an American idea of putting the offenders names on the internet. Brilliant! that should get the pennies rolling in. The government spokesman put up to fend off this abject and pathetic failure of the CSA explained the tax people were too busy to provide the information to the CSA (how crap must government computer systems be if some prat has too send it in the internal post, I mean really, give me a break). The useless wretch then went on to explain in a no- nonsense way that not only 'naming and shaming', but other deterrents would be used e.g. curfews!, consficate their passports!, electronic tagging!. Yeah right, enforced by who? They can't enforce ASBOs! This government is a bunch of totally useless no-hopers and everyone is laughing in their collective ugly face, I know I am.

2006-12-09T02:09:00.000-08:00

* Dawkins a response.
I received a long email in response to my promotion of atheism as promulgated by Richard Dawkins, Dick to his friends. As the email was very long winded I have had to precis it, as follows :
What is the difference between a Marxist explanation of an historical event; an astrological explanation of the events in a known life e.g. Marylin Monroe; a Darwinian explanation of the evolution of a common organ e.g. the eye?
In the Marxist explanation the explanation fits well to the facts, but has failed in predictive ability for subsequent historical events. In the astrological analysis of Miss Monroe's natal chart the main life events are clearly identified but then fails where predictive analysis is attempted. In the same way Darwinian explanations of the possible evolution of the eye are convincing but in what way do they differ from the previous two examples and how are they predictive?
(F*cked if I know. I must say if you want the best horoscope I can recommend the Observer (Sunday) newspaper horoscope it is the stunningly accurate and published by a paper whose veracity cannot be denied)
Anyway, my correspondent then goes on to provide a long Darwinian description for the evolution of the 'sliced white loaf' which I must admit is extremely amusing starting from the first grasses to final sliced bread loaf.
They then go on to make some very amusing comments about Oxford University science departments. These probably mean alot more to academics than they do to me, but, if their is any truth to them then I'd choose Cambridge or some of the better old redbrick universities (the ones before the outbreak of John Major universities) if you want to do a science degree.
They then describe Doc' Dick Dawk' (in brief) as a fundamentalist Darwinian complete with his own satanic verses these being the amendments in the later versions of the 'Origin of the Species' where Darwin expressed a possibility that there may be other factors at work in the evolutionary process, whispered in his ear by dark forces.
The view is expressed that Doc' Dick' Dawk' has a fairly common male personality type where the possessor cannot tolerate the notion that people do not agree with them and are locked into a cycle of continuous justifications of their views. (Yeah right rings a bell)
I must admit I'm not entirely convinced by the email those God-botherers are out there and I can't believe a scientist has any agenda other that to spread the light of truth in the darkness of ignorance. Good Old Doc' Dick Dawk' I say.

2006-12-08T03:21:00.000-08:00

* America and England - The special Relationship.
I have been informed that the special relationship between America and England will be ending shortly when we make the final payment owed to the Yanks for the War Debt. This War Debt was incurred during WW II and now after about 70 years we've paid it off. This was money to pay the Yanks for joining in and saving us from Hitler and for supplying us with ships and tanks. This makes the American ships and tanks the most expensive ships and tanks ever, as President Truman remarked at the time, 'Boy are those Limeys the dumbest guys you've met or what?'. As far as I know the money loaned had to be spent in the USA.
It maybe that the special relationship will be continued, the Americans may want us to pay for being allowed to join in when they invaded Iraq. Who knows what Tony Baloney and the other worthless baby-boomers in the government have agreed.

* Taxes on booze.
The government seems quite happy to raise taxes on flying and petrol but the cost of booze has never been cheaper. The treasury said it was not their responsibility to control British drinking habits. I seem to remember that it was their responsibility to control tobacco smoking habits. Its the old formula, debt and booze keeps the public happy.

* Plutonium 210
The story continues, you couldn't make it up, now we have a death-bed conversion to Islam. Not only that but the way plutonium 210 is turning up it looks like it was being scattered around by the fairies. The Russian refusal to extradite Russians who might be involved in this pantomime to England was given much publicity the fact that the government refuses to extradite Russians to Russia never got a mention.

In the film 'Aliens' Ms Ripley asks the question ' Have IQs dropped since I've been away?'. Looks like the answer in England is yes.

* B B & F - Channel 4.
Somebody reminded me that channel 4 show the excellent 'Bremner, Bird and Fortune' program. OK then one thing right. Brilliant show though.

2006-12-07T03:33:00.000-08:00

Channel 4 - More stretched envelope.
The envelope stretching gerbil lovers and cokehead impersonators at Channel four have a new comedy program, much advertised, so against my better judgement I decided to tune in. (Normally if I want to watch sh*t I can catch the BBC news at 6.00 pm.) This appalling piece of dross was enlivened by a man in a karate robe. He opened his robe to reveal himself to be wearing a thong. He then performed what I assumed to be a comic karate demonstration, the humour being the fact his testicles swung free from his thong. The audience seemed to be highly amused by his capers which raises the questions where do they find their audiences? and what on earth does the warm up act do? I suspect the warm up act probably lights his farts to get them ready for the subtleties to come. Where the audience came from is anybody's guess. Let's just hope they were not lured in under false pretenses and were expecting to see a demonstration of projectile vomiting, a popular brit sport these days.
To be fair to channel 4 they do not make these programs they only choose them. They must have a really sh*t budget and an audience that consists of 10 through 12 year old school boys.

I don't know if it is true but I was told that the channel 4 Winter Boozedays message is to be delivered by a tap dancing lesbian muslim woman wearing only a veil. My informant had no knowledge of what the envelope stretching message might be, but we can assume that it will be as riveting as their new comedy program.

2006-12-06T04:32:00.000-08:00

*Richard Dawkins - Evolutionary Flaw.
A friend has sent me Prof' Dawk's new book which is a book of German Death of God Theology which proves conclusively that not only is God dead but has always been that way. In addition it shows with unarguable logic that all the ills of the world were and are caused by God-botherers. Mel Gibson was on the right track with his statement that all wars are caused by the Jews but unfortunately Mel (a notorious God-botherer) they're caused by all God-botherers.
In addition Prof' Dawk' has shown there are brains that have evolved that despite having the fact that all religion is cr*p explained to them by Prof Dawk' still persist in believing in God. Although not explicitly spelt out by the Prof' it is obvious that these brains are not conducive to the survival of life on earth and need to be prevented from proliferating. The answer is to prevent persistent God-botherers from breeding. They and their offspring will have to be sterilised.
How do we weed them out? Remember they are lying in their beds at night plotting wars, plotting to murdering their neighbours and the worst crime of all, intent on reducing research grants for university biology departments.
A good start would be to round up all the people who think Dan Brown's DaVinci Code novel is historical truth, these dumb *rses can be eliminated from the breeding population right away. The others will have to be sat infront of a video of Prof' Dawk' spelling their errors out to them. If they do not have a 'St Paul on the road to Damascus' realisation of their idiocy then its nuts off, tied tubes time.
What about agnostics? you cry. A good point, agnostics are either people who are too busy to consider the question 'Is there a God' so haven't read Prof' Dawk's book and drawn the right conclusion or they are closet God-botherers who are too ashamed to admit it in case their friends jeer at them. Persistent agnostics can be treated as God-botherers.
This is good news for the English who have no religious impulse (good brains) and if they claim to believe in God their concept of God is so vague and nebulous that it might as well be the Tooth Fairy they're affirming, their so called belief would in no way affect the size of any type of university (or other institution) research grant (or other funding). The future looks bleak for middle America, bear in mind however that no one will know or care that they've gone.
Therefore the world can look forward to world peace and prosperity within one generation once the bad brains have gone.
Famous people who were/are both God-botherers and warmongers : Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Ghengis Khan, Margaret Thatcher, Tony Baloney, Emperor Hirohito, Pope John Paul II, Julius Caesar.

2006-12-05T03:02:00.000-08:00

* Sh*t for brains.
Steven Hawking (Obviously he hasn't got excrement for brains) has suggested that as we've completely cacked up this planet we should urgently be looking for a new one. This he says is important for the survival of the human race. Whether the survival of the human race is a good idea has not yet been debated. Over here in the land of hangovers a number of punters in the street were asked what they thought. This is always a recipe for disappointment as thinking is not encouraged in England where reciting platitudes is preferred. When one such punter was asked whether we might not just cack up another planet he responded that we (the human race) would not because we would have learnt from history. How we all roared at this naive point of view. 'Away home and fix your head' was the chorus greeting this response.
One thing which we have learnt from history, almost a law of history, is that nobody learns anything from history. No matter how much information is provided about an event or period of history everybody is left with the feeling that something has been omitted that would complete the picture but nobody has any idea what it is.
My personal attitude is along the lines of yeah right Steven let's get the hell out of here.

* Mel Gibson's new film.
The BBC was out and about hoping that Mel's new film would be a flop because:
a) They said the 'Passion of Christ' would flop and it didn't despite all the anti-Mel and anti-film tirades.
b) Mel was arrested for being drunk and said 'the Jews were responsible for all the wars in the world' or something like that.
The BBC is keen that this politically incorrect and minority view of history should see him consigned to Hollywood history.
What is most interesting is that when people are arrested for being very drunk on tequila in charge of a vehicle this is not the sort of comment they normally make. Here in 'drunk as a skunk' England something along the lines of 'P*ss off filth', 'Come-on then, me and you', 'I know where you live your dead', etc is the general response. I feel it is the duty of all English persons, with their desire to imitate all thing American' should now take to expressing controversial positions on historical events.
'When arrested your Honour the accused shouted loudly that the number of people murdered by Stalin was greatly exaggerated, at this point a crowd gathered disputing loudly and he was taken into custody for his own protection.'
'On removing the accused from her vehicle, she bawled loudly that it had been a mistake for England to give up India.'
This should make binge Britain a more interesting place.

2006-12-04T04:32:00.000-08:00

* Death by diagnosis.
A report has been released that shows there were 400 deaths in the last eight years carried out by mental patients who had been diagnosed as no longer being a danger and fit for 'care in the community'. This averages about one a week. No details were by the BBC from whom I received this nugget on how many patients previously held as a danger to the public and/or themselves had been released in the last eight years.
This is another feather in the cap of 'the greatest British prime minister of the 20th century' as some would have it or a 'massive carbuncle on the nose of British history' as I and others would have it. I mean, of course, Mrs Thatcher who had the brilliant idea of reducing national health spending by closing down all the mental health hospitals or looney bins as they were known and letting the insane live on the streets.

No doubt some of the recent problem lies with the human rights legislation which considers the rights of the mentally ill. This legislation gets evermore bizarre until it has now become the 'last resort of a scoundrel' turfing out nationalism from its number one position. Nationalism is now considered politically incorrect and Tony Baloney has been running round apologising for the slave trade.
I don't know about everybody else but I won't accept responsibility for anyone else's actions no matter how closely related they are. The idea that I accept responsibility for the actions of some English slaver has no chance.
I'm not one of those people who have adopted the recent craze for ancestor worship that has gripped the English and spawned a thousand 'trace your ancestors' web sites but family hearsay suggests that my ancestors were bonded serfs up until the beginning of the 20th century. I know serfdom was abolished earlier than this but I suspect the Lord of the Manor hit on the cunning ruse of not telling them.

Getting back to Mrs Thatcher and her cunning ruse this is the sort of report that will only persuade those people who intend to p*ss on her grave to double up their salute. This will cause any even bigger health hazard. My attempts to alert the authorities to the danger (see earlier blog entry) attendant on her eventual interment have not been received with the seriousness it requires. It will not be my fault if the graveyard receiving her remains is washed away in a sea of urine.

2006-12-02T03:41:00.000-08:00

* Abort a Brit.
It was announced that there were 200,000 abortions in the UK last year. The persons who carry out these abortions have requested that the signature of only one doctor be required for an abortion and that nurses at these clinics be authorised to dispense the drugs used to initiate the abortion.
Sometimes the pregnant females arriving at the clinics discover there is only one doctor present. This can be very upsetting for them as they have to return another day. The process of having an abortion (a perfectly valid life style) is probably necessary as the person involved could not get to a chemist to obtain the 'morning after pill' or was unaware they had had sex or because the contraceptive method used had failed.
This total of 200,000 is an increase on previous years and the figure is rising. One would have thought by now a reliable form of contraception would be available, but obviously not as the figures show. This looks to me as just the area in the national health that could easily be privatised. It has a long history of private enterprise behind it.
It is amazing when you think how much time and effort has been put into sex education that so many people are unaware of the link between the sexual act and pregnancy. The failure rate for contraception must be pretty awful, one wonders whether British males are swallowing the condoms rather than wearing them, having become confused about how different methods of contraception work.

2006-12-01T03:03:00.000-08:00

* Tony baloney. Tony Blair was out and about telling us what he intends for secondary education. Why doesn't he give up and just go home pack up his bags. He could give us all a seasonal present by b**gering off early. But no, Tony is concerned that with every entrant getting an 'A' at A'level its now harder to identify the brightest and best. What is Tony Baloney's solution? After months of profound thought he is introducing a new grade 'A*' (A star). So I guess when every entrant gets an 'A*' grade we'll have an 'A**' grade.
Now I know f*ck all about education but after years of investigating the parameters of the human psyche and the distribution and value ranges of these parameters within the population it might be possible to come up with a better suggestion than another grade that is useless as a measure of attainment.
I am beginning to think that Tony Baloney and his crew are deliberately discrediting the English examination system.
Perhaps it's some sublimated neurosis he got from being fagged too hard at public school for being a swot.

* Xmas idiots.
Already the 'lets not offend the Muslims or anyone else' brigade are issuing their guide lines to prevent any reference to Christmas this Christmas. As we are now a secular society and the purpose of Christmas is to off load crap childrens toys that have the entertainment value of dead cat on the public, I think this is only right.
For a start we should stop using the word holidays as this refers to 'holy days' as a replacement I suggest 'boozedays' as this is what most people will be doing.
Father Christmas should be referred to as 'Father Freebies', Christmas should be referred to as 'Winterboozedays, Easter as 'Springboozedays' and naturally 'Summerboozedays' instead of Summer holidays. Send your alternative suggestions to the BBC demanding they campaign for a change.

2006-11-30T02:58:00.000-08:00

* Loaded examinations.
The BBC Radio 4 informs us that the current GCSE & A'level examinations since the 1970s have been loaded in favour of the female of our species. This is a result of the emphasis on course work and the framing of questions to be female friendly. This has resulted, at the high scoring end of the examination results, in females getting better results than males. This is of course outrageous and a result of feminist pressure. This gap has been widening until we now have males having to compete in examinations that until comparitively recently favoured the males. This bias must be corrected immediately. This of course is a result of allowing females to be educated, this was not allowed until the beginning of the twentieth century. Its about time women went back to learning to embroider and how to cook and stopped denting male egos by getting better results in subjects which have previously been a male preserve. It will serve women right if their boyfriends sulk for even longer periods than they do at present.

* Pulling at the BBC.
The gerbil lovers and cokehead impersonators at the BBC after their terrific success with the program Torchwood have another winner on their hands with the comedy program 'Pulling', this envelope stretching piece of humour should have Channel 4 'pulling' its hair out. The program commenced with a couple in bed the male having been masturbated by his female partner. She gets up and leaves the bedroom. The male is concerned about the ejaculate which has been deposited on his abdomen. He searches in the bedside cabinet, presumably for a cloth or tissue, but finds none. On the cabinet is a broadleafed decorative household plant, he breaks off one of the leaves and uses it to scrape the ejaculate off his stomach! I, together with the laughter machine, were convulsed in uncontrollable laughter so much so that I was unable to watch anymore of the program. After calming down I contemplated the plight of males being screwed by the examination system.

2006-11-29T03:59:00.000-08:00

* Christmas is coming.
My partner agreed that I would look after one of her friends children while they went off somewhere to do something. They dumped 7 yr old Darren at the door and told me not to give him any nuts. My partner had left a Scooby-Doo video to entertain the little treasure.
As we were sat there I asked young Darren what Santa was bringing him for Christmas. He replied that Santa wasn't brining him anything. A bit surprised I asked if this was because he had been a bad boy. He replied that Santa wasn't bringing him anything for Christmas because Father Christmas doesn't exist and is just a load of rubbish parents tell their kids.
So what do you want for Christmas I enquired. He said he hadn't choosen his present yet. How come I asked him. He hadn't choosen because his mother couldn't find the Argos catalog. He looks through this and rings the presents he wants (maximum 5) and puts a letter B next to his big present. Then his dad will see if he can get them cheaper on the Internet.
I then asked if he was doing anything at school for Christmas, for instance a nativity play. He had no idea what a nativity play was but informed me his class had to choose a Christmas message. Each class in the school would then file out infront of their adoring parents and shout out the message and then sing a song.
His class wanted to do 'A pet is not just for Christmas' but it had already been bagsed by another class. Instead they were doing 'Remember the children in Africa this Christmas' for their message and were then singing 'Here it is merry Christmas everybody's having fun'.
I was overcome with emotion at this description of a typical English Christmas. Even so I was greatly relieved when his parents returned and took him away.

2006-11-28T03:14:00.000-08:00

* Independence for England.
A survey has been carried out which reveals that 65% of English persons want independence for England and wish the Scots, Welsh, Northern Irish would stop interfering in Emglish affairs and go away. The proposal is that the aforementioned peoples become independent states and England be granted its own Parliament and independence. This is an excellent idea. It means of course that the Labour party would never form a government again. This is just as well considering the mess they've made of the job so far, house prices no one can afford, the KGB running willy nilly around the place, chronic debt, Iraq, etc, etc.
* Northern Ireland
Dumping Northern Ireland makes sense, for a start its in the north and no one in England (or anywhere else) understands the Northern Irish. They can be left alone refusing to co-operate with each other, marching provocatively past each others houses and admiring apprenticeships. We no longer have apprenticeships in England as they were abolished by the calamitous Mrs Thatcher who decided skilled workmen were a con by the unions to extract high wages from put upon businesses. This turned out to be slightly incorrect, luckily we can now import cheap skilled workmen from Eastern Europe.
* Wales
No one in England knows anything about or likes the Welsh so they can get on with whatever it is they do.
* Scotland
Everyone in England believes the Scots are costing them oodles of dosh. Unfortunately North sea oil and gas comes from up there, however, this is running out so who cares. The English will have to remember not to start any wars as there wont be any one to fight them for us but otherwise no problem.
* The North of England.
This is a bit of a problem. Perhaps the Scots could be bribed to extend there borders down to the Wash. Failing this, we could just not tell the dumb northerners anything about it and leave the north as a buffer zone between the Scots and England. Northerners can then be left to breed pidgeons and grow large vegetables. A proxy MP could be appointed to deal with northern issues. As long as these ugly people keep us supplied with episodes of Coronation Street all will be well.
* Middle and Southern England.
This would constitute England or 'England Modern' as I feel we would call it. We could then get on with the business of getting very drunk, snorting BBC grade cocaine, running up enormous debt and flying off on three or four foreign holidays a year. I feel a new Golden Age coming for England. All in time for the embarassment of not being ready for the Olympics.
Albion Arise, etc etc.

2006-11-27T02:35:00.000-08:00

* Nation Of Sportsmen. England has suffered some blows on the sportsfield all in games which the English invented. First the unfortunate football game where England lost 2 - nill to renowned footballing nation Croatia. The highly paid footballers of England seem unable to measure up to foreign competition. I mean its not as though we're trawling the third division for players. These overpaid martinets of the premiere division seem unable to pass the ball to each other let alone score goals. No doubt they seek consolation in their well deserved pay cheques.
Next the English defending the Ashes against Australia are mercilessly outclassed at cricket (possibly the most tedious game ever invented). The final feather in the English cap is the performance of our Rugby team against the South Africans. Such an abysmal performance that they are booed off the pitch. All this just confirms what I have been saying.
The final icing on the cake was the announcement that the national Pie Eating competition has had the rules changed so that it is no longer how many meat pies you can eat in a given time, but how fast you can eat one meat pie! All in the name of politically correct consumption due to concerns over lard *rse Britain. Hang your heads and weep!.

* I haven't touched on the poisoned spy scandal as there is nothing one can add to the unfolding story as covered by the BBC. There seemed to be an inordinate amount of excitement about the possibility that Russia was upto its old tricks again.
I decided to consult my Uncle Dave who has been extremely morose since the cold war ceased. Uncle Dave was very downbeat about the possibility of the being a KGB-FSB (the terms being interchangeable on the BBC) operation.In the old days, said Uncle Dave nostalgically, the target would disappear having been kidnapped, then would be smuggled back to Russia, locked up in the Lubyanka prison, where their life would be made extremely miserable for a few weeks before being bound and thrown alive into the basement furnace. Still ,he said, the way standards are falling ....

2006-11-25T03:05:00.000-08:00

* Inheritance - The BBC this morning announced it has a web page where you may enter the song you would like to pass on to the next generation. The example played was the predictable piece of tosh about over coming obstacles, how noble and self-affirming the contributor had been and how much the track meant to them. Expect vast numbers of such tracks submitted by that useless and worthless generation the Baby Boomers along the lines of 'My Way' and 'I WIll Survive'. I have been following the twists and turns of the Baby Boomers for some time. When purchasing the Observer newspaper for their excellent and incredibly accurate horoscope, instead of turfing the remainder in the bin I have been examining the pages to read the self-justifications of this generation of hypocrites. Never was a generation served so much on a plate. Their children will be getting f**k all except an mp3 of their parent's favourite track.
The Baby Boomers have for some time been writing articles explaining to each other why they need not leave their children an inheritance but can spend the whole lot on themselves. Not something they encouraged or encourage their own parents to do. Poised like vultures over the death bed followed by a Mexican stand-off round the Will.
One has, however, to admire this generation who have used the deceit and slyness they practiced on their own parents to stitch up their children. As they retire or cruise to retirement as the last members of a full salary pension scheme, there children are now signed up in worthless schemes that will provide, you guessed it, f**k all. In the mean time they have distracted their children with bad sex and cheap alcohol and loaded them with debt. Luckily for the Baby Boomers their children grew up in the Thatcher years and bought it hook line and sinker.
Another admirable ruse by the self-Love generation who spawned a whole industry of self-help books, 'my own space, finding myself' (yeah good luck with that, there has to be something to find you ******* *****), but I digress, having opened the doors to 'come aboard Britain' they are leaving the country like rats to form enclaves in Europe and Australia. Australia is by far the most popular, supposedly because of TV programs like Neighbours, but actually because they saw that when immigrants arrived in boats at the shores of Australia the Australians wouldn't let them land and took them to some far off island.
Wake up girls and boys your parents are f**king you over while you lie vomiting in the gutter.